Why Should We Be Intentional In Our Marriage?

Intentional. That word somehow frightened me when I heard it. I wasn’t very good at intentional friendships, intentional marriage-hood, or intentional motherhood. I thought I was but if I am being honest, I wasn’t.

When the COVID hit, that is when things began shifting. Seems like everyone’s life has somehow shifted and turned. All in ways we never thought would imagine.

One day to the next… God shows us how quickly things can change and happen.

Recently, the past few months actually, the LORD has been telling me the word intentional. Be intentional.

“Wait What? Be intentional? Why intentional? “

Not only was he showing me that marriage should always be intentional, but mothering, friendships, community…. ministry, we should be intentional too.

I looked up the word intentional and it can actually mean something good if you look at it that way. Without going into all the definitions I’ll just shortly describe it, and it simply means to give it your all.

I would love to share more on intentional friendships but I am holding off on that and keeping that for another day. Today I want to share what God has been showing me for Intentional Marriage.

We can’t expect to give the world our full tank and still have a full tank leftover for when our husband comes home. We would be empty, drained, unwilling to give our heart to the one God gave us. All because we emptied our cup out to the world.

First we must look at where are we getting our cup filled.
– Is it social media?
– Is it TV?
– Is it books and podcasts?
– Is it videos?
– Is it listening to others voices (friends, family)?
– Is it the bible and spending intentional time with the Lord?

No guilt here friend. I just want to share my heart. So as the Lord showed me where my cup was being filled and where I was pouring it out, I was giving very little into my marriage. And that hurt. It was a sweet yet hard conviction that definitely needed to be done.

See….. our husbands need our attention too. He needs our touch. He needs our smiles and hugs and kisses right when they walk in that door from a long day of work. He needs to be heard too, just like us…. He needs to have that feeling of feeling welcomed right when he walks in that door. He needs to feel special. He needs to feel like the man that God had created him to be. He needs to feel as if he conquered the world for you.

And by having them feel this way, us wives must be willing to lay down what needs to go, reprioritize and begin to trust God in what He is doing with our marriage.

Being intentional in marriage means to listen to one another’s needs.
Be the ear and listen to each other’s day and ask how we can pray for them. How can we support them?
Share what is on your heart and him share what is on his.
Plan dates. If you have kids, invest in a sitter. Investing in marriage is critical. We need our time alone with one another with no little ones around.

This is just a little something the Lord shared with me…..

If money is tight, its totally okay! He provides in miraculous ways and shows what we can do to invest in our marriage. He began to show me that Friday evenings would be a day for me and him. Saturdays would be our family day.

Once a month we can go out on a date, outside the home, and it doesn’t have to be all out expensive either. It can simply be going to play golf together, play ball at the batting cage, go somewhere for ice cream, take a walk in a park, dinner if you can. Whatever the Lord shows for you and him.
The other Friday’s we can put the kids to bed early, and spend time with one another by playing a board game, doing a puzzle together (something my husband suggested), having a glass of wine and sharing stories, watching a movie with no interruptions.

**From personal experience, don’t repeat the same dates over and over. It gets boring and it becomes a routine rather than love being shown. Change it up a bit like I mentioned above. Go bowling. Go Ice skating. Go Roller Blading.

Being intentional in marriage means, spending quality time together! And filling one another’s love tank with our love language. Don’t know your love language? Have both of you sit down and take this free questionnaire here…

When you see where your love tank gets filled, you then know how to help one another feel special. Feel loved. Feel Noticed.

Wives, we must always be intentional with our spouse, not give him our leftovers. They do not need our leftovers. They need our seconds. Because God must always come first. Then our spouse, then our children, then our ministry and extended family and friends and so forth.

As a wife who follows Christ, we must set that example of how we love christ by showing, displaying it, to our spouse. Our Father displayed his love for us by sending his son and him dying on the cross. Jesus displayed his love by submitting to his fathers will and being punished for our sins, sins he never committed. Love is not a word, it is an action. Put your love into action sweet sister!

So why should we be intentional in our marriage?

Friend, because being intentional in our marriage really does shift things in such a beautiful romantic way. When we begin our day with Christ, we get filled, and we then can pour into our marriage. We then can see our marriage flourish and strengthen. We can see romance blossoming and love strengthening. We begin to see God move in our marriage, in ways we never thought could happen. We see God move in Him and in us. It then pours forth into our children and then their children. It also keeps the enemy from sneaking in trying to destroy what God brought together and ordained. It keeps our eyes focused on Jesus and our marriage, building it together for the Kingdom.

In one of the blog posts I share about the 15 Key Tips of Having a Faith-Filled Thriving Marriage, that could help also!

Sweet sister, what can you do to be intentional in your marriage?

How can you re-shift your attitude and mindset today?

Why do you want to be more intentional in your marriage?

Being intentional in our marriage is worth the work friend. It was a gift given from God, and we must steward it well.

Reach out to a fellow believer, to a trusted friend who closely walks with the Lord, and ask for any insight. She may share her struggles and what she has learned along the way.

Oh Sister, my prayer for you is that your marriage will thrive and not just survive. It will blossom and flourish and grow in wonderful beautiful ways. Let’s be women of God who are intentional in our marriage and love our spouse the same way we love Christ.

I love you sweet friend!
Until Next Time,
Nicole