When Good-bye’s Are Hard

If you have never moved while pregnant or right after having a baby… let me tell you… its hard! But doable! I was pregnant with our third baby and we listed our home for rent so we could move to a place the Lord was calling us to go to. A move that would be six hours away from home. I prayed about it, asking the Lord to help me make the decision on what to do and He began to share with me of how I am to help support my husband and follow where he goes.

I then spoke with my husband and we both knew it was the right decision to do so. To list our home and move. Our third baby was born and it was time to pack for our move. Mind you, it had only been two weeks after giving birth to our sweet girl.

Can you imagine the “postpartum” stage of that? It wasn’t easy.

A year passed, we moved back home, and we then settled in for the long haul. Or so we thought. We were pregnant with our fourth and though I was not looking for a home, God put it on my husbands heart of this home for our family. To grow and expand. We weren’t looking for a home but rather, I was making space for her welcoming in our sweet little blue house.

Well… if you never listed a home to sell in the last final weeks of your pregnancy… it is stressful and hard! Way more than moving and listing your home for rent. Showing after showing, so much cleaning for all the showings, needing to gather the kids to load up and leave so the people can see if the home fits their wants…

Only to waddle and waddle your way through feeling angry upset tired and overwhelmed. Not to mention hot! Summer heat in Texas is brutally worse when pregnant!

But we did it. Our home sold, we gave birth to our babygirl and two weeks after giving birth to her, we moved into our new home. Again, another two weeks after giving brith to move to a new place.

And here, we resided for going on six years. It has been a blessing, a true blessing, living here. We met neighbors that we quickly became close with and have looked up to as parents. They have this beautiful foundation in the Lord that just draws our hearts to want to be like them. My children view them as “grandparents” because of their tenderness, care, and how they pretty much adopted us into their family. I became great friends with their daughter and my daughter became close with their granddaughter. There really is something God did in this that truly is unexplainable.

Not only did we make great friends with our neighbors, we ended up having our twin miracle boys here at home. Well at least one of them. You can read the full birth story here.
Our home filled with so much ups, downs, and in between moments.

The toys that lay here on the ground, daily trying to organize them in their bins to help the therapists find them easier, my heart exceeds with joy.

But here we are….. in this similar boat again. Having to move once again that I never thought would happen. I thought this was our home forever. I mean, who really stays in their home forever?! But really, I thought we’d be settled here for good. For years to come. Until something sparked in my husband and I, a dream that I know wasn’t ours but God’s doing, only to have me in this place of feeling saddened, heartbroken, joyful, yet overwhelmed in it all.

A whole new adventure that awaits that I seem to be struggling with. Not wanting to take the step, though I did already, but feeling the need to cry because now one door is closing that I never imagined would.

Why must it be so hard to leave such a home that doesn’t go to heaven with us anyway? A home is a home right? A home is where you make it, right? Why must it still be hard to say goodbye? Why are goodbye’s hard anyways?

Is it because of the memories created?
Is it because of the joys and laughters within the walls?
Is it because a dream you once had is actually not happening and now a new dreaming is birthing in?
Or could it be that you are seeing your plan not working and God’s plan coming through?
Maybe its the fear of the unknown and not knowing what is next?

But here we are… only a week and a half left to finish our packing for the big move we are to make… and my heart is wanting to shatter into pieces. It isn’t so much of the home itself but the moments and seeds planted here that hurt. There was so much ups but also downs too. There was “growth” as I hear the word say.

The Lord has shown me that it isn’t so much of the house but the plan I had for us all here.

“Man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9.
This very verse is one he continued to speak to me daily and I did not quite understand. I knew what it meant but I wasn’t quite getting the picture of what He was saying to me.

Til I realized I needed to sell quite a few things that broke my heart knowing I had a plan for this, a plan for that, a vision for this, a dream for that. That is when it dawned on me.

“Lord, I am so sorry for getting in the way of the plan, the blessing you have for us. I was being led by fear from of leaving our home and moving into a smaller temporary space. I wanted to trust you, and I thought I was, but I was not. Oh Lord, forgive me for desiring and wanting my own plan, without even seeing it, knowing you have a greater plan for us. Though this will look and be different.. I will trust in thee.”

I WILL TRUST IN THEE.

Those words have been etched upon my heart this year as new things have continued to come up for my family. With each pathway taken, the same path of the Lord, with each door closing and a new one opening, here I am shouting, “I WILL TRUST IN THEE, for you are all I need.”

Goodbye’s are hard. Whether it’s saying goodbye to a grandparent until “next time.” Or whether it’s saying goodbye to a bestie as she moves to another state. Or whether it’s deeper than that. Goodbyes to a marriage, to a loved one, finding a new church, a job that you thought was yours for good or a friendship you thought was for the long haul but instead it left you hanging. Closed doors and goodbyes hurt. They are never easy to navigate through. Tears that are shed, frustration to wrestle with, lots and lots of surrender…

But once we accept that goodbye’s are needed to grow in the next chapter of life, learning to let go of what was so we can walk in the what is, this is what the Lord wants for us. We shouldn’t stay in the hurt but move past it, healed by our Savior. We shouldn’t allow it to define us, but rather, we must allow Christ to define who we are. The stretching, the pulling, the goodbye’s are needed to redefine who we are and to have us anchored more deeply, relying more on our Savior Jesus Christ. 

Goodbye’s show our weakness and allow His strength to boast all the more. Goodbye’s shape us to better become more like Jesus, filled with humility and compassion, helping those who have and are walking the road we once walked. Goodbye’s are needed, in the body of Christ, to die more to our flesh and gain more of heaven, all for the glory of God. 

Goodbye’s are necessary in our walk with Christ. We must learn to let loose of the grip on people and the past. Dreams and desires, to walk fully in the Lord and in His will.

How can we be women who walk in His ways if we cling so tightly to the world and to people, to possessions when we should only be clinging tightly to the Lord?

This is something He has shown me in the recent friendships break-ups, or goodbye’s, is that I had to let loose of the grip of wanting them so close to me and instead release them unto Him as He navigates deeper in their lives. I must step back and allow Him to move in their lives not me being their Savior. And there is some that were just for a season. They were never meant to be lifelong friendships as I wanted them to be. And that… that is hard.

As a mama and a daughter, a wife and one who loves friends… community… it can be hard to say goodbye. No matter what door that is closing, no matter what goodbye is needed, it’s all hard. Not one is bigger than the other. Not one diminishes the other. They all are hard in their own ways.

Just like this… moving away from a home where God poured himself unto me and I grew deeper in my intimacy with Him here, seeing His promises kept and fulfilled here.. it saddens yet brings joys at the same time.

Goodbye’s are hard.

We don’t know the full plan of what is happening. We don’t have the full plan of what is occurring. But we do know this is where the Lord is taking us. And it’s so very hard to walk it not knowing…

That is what makes it hard. The not knowing how we will make it through living in such a small space with such a big family. But it’s temporary and it can be done.

I believe the Lord is showing us more humility. To walk in more humility as Jesus. That is my hearts desire. To be the woman.. to be a She Walks His Way woman in everything she faces, endures, and is led in by the Lord. He has shown me where the world screams for applause and attention as, “hey look at me and what I have,” here the Lord is showing us the power and peace in silence and hidden-ness.

We haven’t shared much of what we have walked because this is where the Lord has us. We haven’t documented everything on Facebook or Instagram for all to see. I only am beginning to share more on the Word I study and a few family memories.

He has shown me how silence is powerful and being hidden is a treasure. A true gifted treasure that the world cannot do because they cry for applause and attention.

Where the Kingdom of Heaven is all about solitude, glory to the Father, hiddenness in the Lord to gain a deeper relationship, the world cannot do this.

As I write this today on this Sunday night, I can’t help but want to cry. A new chapter, a new life, everything so very new. Letting go of what was so I can walk into the new with Christ.

Letting go of what I thought life would be like to walk into the path of the Lord that He has for my family and I.

I may not be able to see ten steps ahead, but I can see the one stepping stone ahead. And it’s Jesus. He is ahead, paving the stepping stones for me to step on knowing I am safe, secure, and He is Sovereign over it all. For He is my Good Shepherd, and I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters, He restores my soul. Psalm 23.

My children hurt, they are at a loss with emotions. My husband mixed in his emotions too…. yet the past few days have been an adventure.

A word the Lord has placed upon my heart… Adventure and Wonder… for my family and children. A new adventure we never lived or seen.. but oh what wonder it is to walk it with the Lord.

It can seem scary moving to something new. Even if it’s across town on a new side of town or if it’s miles and miles away from home. No matter the length no matter the distance, when God calls us to the stepping stones, trusting Him is the best thing to do. His hand is in it all and He never leaves you to where He calls you to.

Though we are nervous on how all this will go… we have been taking it one day at a time and enjoying the last days in this home.

Where He calls us to, we do know. But for now we stay silent as He continues to want us to grow.

“No matter the place, no matter the destination, Lord I choose to trust in thee, for you are worthy to live and follow.”

My heart may be at a wreck with both excitement and sadness, but I know the Father has good plans for us, because somehow I can see it all in one snippet of a picture He shows me.

A joy and a delight in knowing the Lord’s calling is wonderful.. but a joy and a delight knowing its with my family, where the main ministry is held.

No matter what goodbye it is you are struggling with, you can trust in Him through it all. He promises an abundant life. A life of well being for your heart and your soul. Goodbye’s are good, and hard at the same time. But are necessary in our walk with Christ. Goodbye’s stretch us beyond our capabilities, relying on the one in whom is Steadfast and Sovereign over everything.

Trust in Him friend, to where He calls you, knowing He never leaves and never forsakes the ones in whom He has chosen.

“Where He goes I will go. Where He leads I will follow. Where Jesus is, there I will forever be. For my life is fully needing and depending on thee.” My heart cry these past months.

How can you trust Him today in your goodbye’s?
What is holding you back from taking the next step God has been calling you to take?

Take a minute today and be in prayer with the Lord. Ask Him to reveal to you your heart and what setbacks are holding you back from your blessing and/or taking the next step he has been calling you to.

It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to weep, it’s okay to wrestle with holding on and letting go. God knows it all and wants your complete honesty. Be honest with the Lord. Share with Him your burdens, fears, anxieties, cares, and anything else that is bothering your mind and heart. He is a good good father who listens to us. But we must come first to the Father in honesty and trusting that He will answer in due time. Speak to a trusted woman of God who you know will pray with and for you in your struggles. Having these godly women are gifts and treasures from the Lord that He places upon our path to ignite the faith and fire of the Lord in us, spurring us on to continue to seek His will, to walk in His will, and to be strengthened in His will.