Through the Terrains with Jesus | 012

As the procedure waited out for a week, I began to feel my mind working its gears…

“Am I being selfish? By saying no to this procedure?”

I was told it was necessary and needed. But of course I had a choice. He (the doctor) just recommended it and mentioned he had 17+ years of doing this procedure with no complications afterward.

But as I mentioned in the previous Marker, I did my own research and saw otherwise. Loads of questions began to flow through my mind. Geez, thanks, that is what I needed!

I don’t want to live my life how I want, nor make decisions how I want my life to be. I want what God wants me to do, in my life, however that may look. Whatever He wanted for my life, it would be a Yes Lord.

The whole week of waiting patiently for the Lord to repeat His answer (I mentioned in marker 011, The Lord already gave me the answer but I wasn’t hearing), I knew I needed to be patient and tune my ears directly to His. How I did that was worship and praise. Listening to a few sermons here and there of what I felt led to hear, praising Him for being there before, now and in the future, and just waiting.

Waiting is what really had me itching wanting to go forth in my own answer. But as Proverbs 3:5 tells us, we can’t lean onto our own understanding… we must trust and lean on His.

There I was… waiting… as patiently as I could. And I did. In the last minute, the doctor called me to head in the office so we can discuss questions I had lingering, the process of the procedure, etc.

And in that time, two days before the procedure was about to be done, I went into the office, questions were asked and then answered, a thorough scan was done, and suddenly I hear “okay we may not do this procedure. I am concerned about _____. I need to refer you to the specialist asap and get you in right away.”

My shoulders shrunk down not even sure what was happening. I knew I didn’t need that procedure, I knew it was a no because I heard the Lord say no procedure would need to be done. But this? Something else was now seen, concerned about and I am now being referred to another doctor, excuse me, a specialist.

“God, why? I am not understanding what it is that is happening or why all of a sudden this began to happen? I am thankful for your answer that you gave, the no to the procedure. I knew I needed to walk in faith just as you said ‘walk in faith and trust me’. But this? I don’t understand.”

One thing was no longer needed, but now another thing was concerned about.

The thing that alarmed me the most was the doctors facial expression and his urgency to push me into being seen that week.

When things like that happen, it tends to make us feel worried, or concerned, or even unsure of what is happening.

But see…. God already saw ahead of time. This comes to Him as no surprise. It may be surprising for us to hear, but to God, nothing is too big or even surprising for Him.

He was right there with me in that office, placing his hand over my shoulder to not lose my mind and go back to the place I once was in. To show me that HE IS FULLY CAPABLE of handling this. I simply needed to surrender this appointment scheduled and trust that He was already there.

The only two things I could do in that time of waiting to be seen by the specialist was worship and praise. And sometimes, dear friend, when we are in the waiting process and in the “unsure” times, praise and worship are the only two that we will only be able to do.

Deep bible study won’t fit in the season.

Daily reading in the Word won’t fit in the season.

Just worship and praise.

With each temporary terrain we walk in, we will find ourselves feeling different, stretched, worked on, and even feeling not normal in a way that changes our routine. And that is okay. All we need in these moments is to continue our walk with Jesus through the terrain. Even if it means both Jesus and I, (Jesus and you), to pause to sit on a rock, catch a breath, and smell the fresh air. Jesus will sit with you and pause. He will restore your weary soul and will replenish it with the good stuff. He will remind you of who He is, and will place the peace upon your shoulders.

Question is, will you let him?