The Danger of “If Only”
The cooler breeze that quickly swift through the morning dew, a sunrise at peak, the ducks migrating in the sky with a duck calling nearby. The beautiful morning sound of nature and the sound of Gods creation all in one. The season that is changing adrift along with the sudden changes deep within the hearts of many.
I sit here writing this piece from a shared heart of wanting to help encourage the beloved sister in Christ in whom she finds herself saying over and over again, “if only.”
With shared hope, light and truth, laced with grace and love, I share with hope expectation of the One who is worthy to pursue but also in loving correction in the “if only” phase.
Maybe you too, have found yourself saying “if only” more times than you’d like to admit. Maybe you wondered where it all began. Or maybe you too wonder how to overcome this “if only” mentality.
I share these words with hope. Hope in our Savior but in how God showed me in my “if only” season. Yes, I say season, because it was that season that He had to prune those words out of my heart and mouth to better live in a way that is honoring and pleasing to Him.
Do you seek this, too, sister? Do you desire it too sister? To no longer want more, crave more, desire more of this world but less and less. Does your stomach turn at the very thought of hearing “if only” or with consumable commercialism and media that portrays “must have” or you are “less than” that this very ideology world sees you as?
I get it. And I hear you. I see you.
We must first know our identity in Christ. We must first know and believe deep within the crevices of our hearts that we are His and believe it. We are not who the world says we are and we are not what we have. We are who Christ says we are and that’s it. There is a period to never add the word and.
Until we come to this realization, awakened in the Spirit to see, to truly see the worldly pleasures were never meant to fulfill our longing soul and emptiness inside, we will never truly be satisfied. It’s only by Him, through Him and in Him that we have everything we need. In a world that calls for more, we live with contentment knowing He is our Shepherd and with Him we lack no good thing, Psalm 23.
The dangers of saying IF ONLY leaves a soul dissatisfied, craving, grumbling, complaining, comparing, envying and welcoming jealousy in, all to take root deep in the soil of our hearts. Just as it began in the Garden of Eden and with Abram and Sarai, seeing they didn’t have the “wants,” they took matters into their own hands.
We must remember dear friends, we don’t have to do everything nor even have everything. The world and media will vile for your attention, highly encouraging you to do more and buy more, have more, wanting more only to leave your soul dry, parched, depleted and empty. This world throws, even demands, the pressures of media and commercialism in your face, only to leave you with a sense of feeling “a lack thereof.” A misplaced identity only to breed in discontent. It is saying:
Christ is not enough for me, therefore I must have more, do more, be more, need more.
I know sister. I know that stung a bit, but I can’t keep these very words He etched upon my heart to hold in, only to see the body of Christ slowly decaying because the roots have been malnourished with fleeting things and discontentment.
This is the very reason Christ tells us the first commandment is to LOVE the Lord our God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength, Matthew 22:37. Because anything we think of, desire more of, want more of, keep dwelling more of than Christ himself, is an idol and has the seat on our hearts where Christ should be sitting.
I don’t share this to condemn sister. Far from it. I hurt for the body of Christ that this world so demands for us to be a part of. It isn’t necessarily wrong to own a home, it’s wrong to keep wanting more or bigger of a home. It isn’t wrong to own a car, it’s wrong when we complain that it isn’t enough. It isn’t wrong to own a few bibles, but to keep buying and buying, never to be content and grateful for just a few, we fall into the trap of becoming a shopaholic.
As we walk here on this earth, awaiting our forever home, it will always be not enough, because our enoughness doesn’t come from this world or the things in this world but it comes from Christ and Christ alone.
The dangers of IF ONLY…. if only I were married…. if only I had another kid…. if only I had a kid… if only I had the perfect quiet time…. if only I had the spiritual husband I desire…. if only I grew up in a christian home… if only I stayed in college…. if only….
Hearing the words “if only” reminds me of the story, and it comes to my mind as I am typing this now, when Lazarus dies and Martha tells Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” John 11:21
“If only” are words and thoughts that crowd our hearts with disappointment and discouragement. This happens because we have placed our hope, our wants, our needs, in other things than in Christ himself and truly knowing He is our Shepherd and our manna. He is our daily bread and our water. HE IS everything our souls crave and need.
“If only” is a dangerous trap that says: God is not sovereign and cannot redeem such places and events in our lives.
The danger of “if only” begins with a lie, the same lie the enemy planted in Sarai and Eve is the same lie he does today. It is a seed that plants in our minds if we do not take it captive, only to leave us wanting more and doing what we can to have more. It places the lie of “not enough,” that we do not have enough when really, we have everything we need in Christ our Savior.
Dwelling and thinking continually on “if only” leaves a hole deep within our hearts giving the enemy access to our minds and actions. Sarai wanted a baby and because she was impatient on waiting for Gods perfect timing, she could not help but allow the desire to override Gods sovereignty. She took matters into her own hands and gave Abram permission to take her maidservant and bear a child. Still, this was part of Gods plan, but if we don’t stop and truly see… how discontent is so sneaky…. when we take matters into our own hands, we begin to see later how Sarai despised her maidservant. She treated her harshly because then jealousy and envy took root.
Sister in Christ, I sit here just hoping this brings clarity, even asking the Lord to continue to purge His bride… that we must walk in the ways of the Lord no matter the cost. Trusting in His plan and timing. The “if only” is a trap sister. A trap that creates room and space for grumbling and complaining, then later, hope deferred which makes the heart sick, rather than taking initial consideration that this “if only” can also leave room for excuses too.
I found myself one day, a long time ago, complaining about everything. I could not find a time to get in the Word or be in the Word. It was then the Lord showed me my own schedule.
Later, I found myself complaining about my husband. That hurt the day the Lord revealed to me my heart towards this matter.
It wasn’t pretty. It was messy. But that is the thing. When we untangle the lies, untangle the roots, it becomes messy. It never is pretty with a cute little bow on top. But if we truly want to become a woman who walks in His ways, who cultivates a heart of contentment, we have to get to the heart matter. Digging deep in the roots to see what must go and what needs nurturing. The Father’s nurturing.
Let’s do some heart examinations together.
What is poking at you today sister? Rather, what has been poking at you lately?
What have you complained about recently?
What do you constantly complain about?
Where have you been saying, “if only.”
Let’s release this to God today and bask in His love.
Grab your journal, jot down these questions and begin in prayer by asking Abba Father to reveal what’s deep within your heart and show you where the roots come from.
Be in prayer today. Be in worship today. Set your atmosphere by allowing the Holy Spirit to consume you today and overflow in you His extravagant love, mercy, grace, forgiveness and renewing.
Repent of any ways He reveals. Repent of wanting other thing above Him. Repent of seeking treasures in the world than of heaven. Repent whatever He shows and reveals to you beloved sister in Christ and know, please know, there is such hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. We can walk with assurance, never of “if only,” because we know our destination, we know our eternity, we know the One who calls us His own, His prized possession, knowing nothing in this world can satisfy our thirsty souls because our souls were meant to only crave and thirst for the One True God.
Resources
Craving Fulfillment Devotional by SheWalksHisWay
Thirsty for More by Allison Allen
My Soul Pants For You by SheWalksHisWay
Scripture
John (the whole book)
1 & 2 Peter
Ephesians
Psalm 119
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