The Art of Becoming Humble

As I sit here fingers ready to type, I am contemplating on going through with the writing. Why? Well, it was a bit of a challenge to walk this place. It was something that I had mixed emotions with and had to settle it with the Lord. But I ignored it. I didn’t want to share with the Lord because it felt “too small” or “silly” of a problem. But it wasn’t. Not to the Lord. It was something that needed His attention and mine.

As much as I share with the Lord everything, this one felt different. I didn’t know how to feel about it. It was hard to even see His plan because I was too blinded in my own desire and plan for my family that I struggled to share it with God. But because this is what She Walks His Way is all about, walking in His ways, always, never our own, I just felt to share in vulnerability with you dear friend of the walk we were and are in. So hang tight, grab that tea or coffee, and come sit a while as I share what has been going on behind the scenes.

the beginning..

It has been a week and month here. Scratch that, two months to be exact. The stress, the pull, the high demands of being told to have these certain things done all to list our home in perfection. In April on our anniversary to be exact which was so cool, we closed on our land that my husband had been dreaming of. May came and we listed our home for sale.

We prayed about this for quite some time asking the Lord if this is His will. Friend, if I am completely honest with you, this is my true hearts desire. To be walking in His Will for my family, not our own. His Will, His Plan, over mine. Walking in full submission to His will, because this is my Worship unto my Lord. But this.. this new place just did not make sense with everything that was and is going on in the world. Doesn’t it seem backwards? To me it did.

The Lord continued to press it upon my heart to release and let go. I didn’t understand it then. It wasn’t until our home sold in June and we needed to sell a lot of our things to live in a temporary place.

I was in our twin miracle boys room, taking down their lion pictures, packing their NICU clothes we kept…. and it hit. It hurt to close that chapter. Knowing all what we faced, endured through, and even experienced. Realizing how close I came to the Lord in that home and how I was able to see His promises kept. Now I am not saying God only dwells in homes, no. He dwells within us, not within buildings. But the experiences, the magnitude of the Father that I experienced in those years in that home is what hurt to leave. It hurt to close that chapter and open a chapter I know nothing of. Nor familiar with.

Was it going to be the same at the new place?

How will it look?

God will you and I grow deeper in this new place?

Will I experience you the same as I did here?

As we began packing up our things a lady came by to pick up an item I listed on marketplace. I wanted to use this item for the new gift the Lord gave, I had this visual idea, but it wasn’t going to work for us. I cried unto the Lord. “I had this vision. This plan to use this item for this Lord.” I didn’t see anything wrong with something that seemed so small… yet, it was. As the wife and husband came to pick up the item, I did cry knowing that the “vision” I had is not what the Lord wanted for us right now. And that hurt.

“A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

This was the very verse the Lord continued to share with me in those mornings. We think we have this plan all settled out in this certain particular way, this planned vision, but somehow its like I envision God smiling down saying “Oh Daughter, if you only knew the plan I have for you.”

I had to loosen the grip of that rope, the plan I clung tight too, and allow Him to shape it. This is what He wants for us all friend. To loosen the grip of our plans, very loosely, and allow Him to show us what He has for us. It’s far greater, far better, far more than we could ever have imagined.

Does it hurt when God tells us to let go of what we want in life? It can, when we hold onto it too tight. But really, it shouldn’t hurt us at all when we hold it loosely and hold onto our Savior even tighter.

The Lord… He was grabbing a hold of my heart for it to become more humble. He doesn’t look at the size of the home, the materialistic things like we do, He doesn’t see the very expensive party details that we put together or even the fancy equipment or titles. He doesn’t see the fancy gadgets we invest in. He doesn’t look at these things. He wants none of it. He wants us. Every single ounce of us. Our mind, soul, spirit and heart.

He wants us stripped naked to the core reflecting His Son, Jesus Christ. stripping the very thing that holds us back from becoming like jesus. he wants us stripped and naked, holy and set apart.

To live for Him and not look like the world.

I’ve always had a love for gardening. Fruits, vegetables, flowers, herbs, all the plants growing from seed to seedling to fruit bearing. Something about gardening and seeing the fruit of the labor of it going straight to your table for dinner or watermelon snacking taste so yummy and refreshing.

There was a dream upon my heart to have this beautiful garden, bigger than what I had in my home. Our previous home had a smaller backyard, so I wasn’t able to plant what I saw the Lord envisioned me to do. But the dream planted in my heart to one day have a beautiful big garden filled with all the wonderful foods to feed my family and flowers. Oh those flowers how they would be gathered to put in vases to place within our home. I could see it. It was beautiful. But it was not going to happen in that particular home. And I had to be okay with that. With letting go of some things for better things He has ahead for us.

As my husband and I began to discuss more on our decision, I mentioned the option of living in a fifth wheel until all things were done for our family. He thought to rent a place for us to feel a little more at home, but I could not see that working out for us. I had no peace about it. Instead I saw us in complete frustration in a rental. Why? Because we have dogs. THREE to be exact! And chickens! And somehow, a few days before we moved, we ended up with 2 rescued kittens! What in the world is happening?!

All the animals…

We began to discuss more of it and how it would have to work for just the meantime until we get situated and our home build to be finished.

So.. we did what every married couple should do… pray on it some more. And that we did. We prayed on it, made a decision and stuck with it. There was no looking back. At the beginning we doubted our decision and said to each other, “are we doing the right thing?” “what did we get into?” Because coming from a big home to a small fifth wheel to live in full time… for the meantime… for a family of 9.. it doesn’t seem it could be possible.

But it is. It’s been a hidden blessing to be honest. The sunrise and the sunset view on our land has been wonderful and beautiful. A sight that could not be seen at our other place. Not to mention the storm we saw on the land the other day, it was magnificent. The far distant neighbors, which we love, the space, the quietness, the beautiful vision my husband has for our family here at this place.. it seems far off yet so close. I see how the Lord planted in my husband’s heart dreams too, for this land. He wasn’t one to want land or animals years and years ago. But the Lord…. I give him all the credit. Every bit of it.

A gentle work of art the Lord was doing in my husbands heart and mine. Humbling my heart. My children’s heart. My whole families heart.

We cry, mope, complain, gripe, all because we can’t have the things we want in life only to see our hearts are far from becoming humble. We cry for a new spankin’ car or a new wardrobe we know we cannot afford. We cry because we see others have what we want only to find ourselves not being content. Our hearts drift slowly away from becoming humble and more and more in ingratitude. We then find ourselves discontent with every little thing filling the “want” with things unneeded. We begin to fill our “need” with worldly things only to find ourselves complacent with the Lord for choosing the not so great portion.

I didn’t complain. I didn’t cry. But I did see I didn’t want to let go of our home. And that my dear friend is not okay!

Being here, living very very minimally, with the open land view and the Slow + Steady (these two wonderful words the Lord downloaded in my heart along with Adventure + Wonder) has been a true blessing that I did not see coming. It’s been…. eye opening and the Lord’s wrecking in it. A wonderful beautiful sanctified wrecking of Him being in this place.

The Gratitude

The first few days being out here we needed to go off the generator. AEP took soooo long to get power out here it was insane.. but we learned to be grateful in that too. We forget how power is truly a gift for us to live on. We forget that it is a luxury… and man was our hearts humbled in that. Not to mention water. Oh boy was that a lot of work for my husband and brother to do. Digging a trench to put in piping for us to have every day water. I couldn’t be more grateful to have a brother who has helped my husband and I in these matters. His servant heart and gratitude heart.. truly has been a blessing to us in more ways than I can express. Helping us move every bit of what needed to be moved. My brother has been the biggest help to us these past years, I couldn’t be more grateful to have such help.

A very small oven and stove had me appreciate to even have one to cook on. Learning to make do with what you got and enjoying breakfast (oh its been a favorite) outside. These things we don’t see because we become accustomed to our comfort living while also being blinded by the things we don’t have. Being in this… I see this as a humbling art from the Lord. It’s also showing me to trust Abba Father with my husband in the leading. Trusting Him on making the calls, biblically of course, while covering Him in fervent prayer. And in prayer, I can share with him my concerns or what I hear from the Lord.

I am in no way saying I have it all together or know it all. Because I don’t. And I don’t want to claim that I ever do. I simply want to follow Jesus, go where He goes, be humble, and receiving with a teachable spirit in what HE teaches me and shows me in these places He leads me in.

The beautiful art of becoming humbled is that the Lord works in you as long as you allow Him too. It’s the process of sanctification. Christ was fully humbled, and therefore He wants us to reflect that too. Walking in full humility.

The beginning of the Gentle Art of Humbling

In 2020, my husband wanted to do this. Buy a fifth wheel, sell our home, and travel full time. Though it sounded fun, it also left me intimated with living in a cramped space with lots of people. At the time our boys weren’t born so the family was a bit smaller. Until the Lord showed me I had this chip on my shoulder that needed to be dismantled. I had zero idea I had it. I truly did not know. But the Lord helped me see it and removed it from my shoulder. And that, I am forever grateful for. I didn’t want to leave our home to be in a tiny home. This americanized mindset held me back from truly seeing the beauty and awe of living simply. Where commercialism is everywhere leaving you with “oh I need that” and americans having garages and storages packed of stuff that is not needed.. He has shown me it isn’t okay to live in gluttony or idiolistic ways.

I finally told the Lord yes. Yes I will follow my husband, sell our home, live in a camper and go where He goes.

Then nothing fell through. Where it was all going through so easily, in the last minute where I finally said yes, nothing went through. The next morning, the pandemic hit. Nobody knew of this but God. He was showing me in that place that my heart needed to be humbled and released of pride. Again, I had no idea I had that until the Lord revealed to me I did. What grace and mercy the Father has to show us the wretchedness within ourselves. Of course I wept, cried so much, repented of it and asked Him to continue to humble my heart to reflect His Sons.

To this day, I still pray for the Father to humble my heart. And He does. He does in ways I never see coming. But I am thankful. Ever so thankful for Him being with me and leading me closer to Him, humbling my heart to become more like His Son, Jesus.

The Move

The move was easy at first. Then suddenly it got hard. Maybe it’s because I am getting closer to the date, or maybe because of the Texas crazy heat. Either way, it was hard. Moving while pregnant, no I am not talking early-mid pregnancy, I am talking about few weeks left pregnant, hard! By the time you read this blog post on Thursday I will be 34 weeks. But everyday I prayed for the Lord to give me strength for the day to pack what needs to be packed and move what needs to be moved. To give me the strength to help my husband so he does not feel he has to do it all. I am his helper, even if pregnant, I want to help and ease any burdens if I can. But boy oh boy… was that a challenge. As I mentioned in the previous blog post, I moved twice while pregnant with my others and just two weeks after giving birth. That is hard ya’ll! I am actually in the process of writing the birth story of how the Lord promised this little one too! A promise he gave to me in January of how the enemy has to pay back all that he stole, double fold, hundredfold and here we are… seeing it come to fulfillment. The gift given and the land we live on. We have witnessed more of his promises kept and provision in all He calls us to.

Do we deserve it? Not one bit. But my heart exalts the name of Jesus and I thank Him in the midst of it all. The hard pressing moments of Jesus refining me in the places that needed the fire of the Lord, to purify, and cleanse, and to correct me in the places that needed His correction. It has been truly humbling being in this place.

It also has been a joy to live in a place I see my kids running around freely, simply, and adventuring all there is here.

Viewing the morning sunrise and the evening sunset on the land has been different. But it has been so peaceful and adventurous. Yet, God is in this place right where He led us. I didn’t see it then. Only because I didn’t want to. I wanted to be in my comfort zone where I felt “safe.” Boy what a false perception of “safe” can blind you of. More on that later. I’m grateful for this chance to live here and see things built from the ground up, seeing my kids grow up in the farm life and bringing adventure in their lives with something very new, so new to us. The excitement on their faces and ours and the plans the Lord planted within all of our hearts for this place.

There is reasons the Lord placed a love of gardening on my heart ever since I was a child.

There is reasons He wanted me to say yes to a fifth wheel a few years ago.

There is reasons He wanted me to know about and say Yes to homeschool.

There is reasons we had to walk the refining walk with our twin miracle boys before coming here.

There is reasons the Lord allowed such long-suffering, yet He is restoring and redeeming it all.

There is reasons.. and before we could get here to this place… it started with the obedience of the first thing… saying yes to the other things before bringing us here.

He wants our yes before he can bless. He wants our yielding unto the Lord. He wants our full submission to him.

And that is biblical. It’s called obedience. It’s called trust. It’s called faith. And aren’t we that? Women who walk humbly with the Lord, walking in His ways, always, listening carefully and taking heed of his instructions, obeying his commands because they bring life? Yes. Yes indeed it is. And that is who I want to become daily. Dying daily to myself to live fully for Christ and Abba Father. Saying yes, even to the scary unknown things knowing He is already ahead. He is there. I just need to take the step into the water and trust that He holds my hand all the way through.

And that goes for you too friend. I know what He calls you too may seem scary or unsure. Maybe the unknown freaks you out because you may be like me and want to see first the next 10 steps ahead. But that isn’t faith. That isnt trust. That is fear and control blocking and hindering the plan the Lord is calling you too. The only way to cross over that fear is by saying, “Yes Lord, use me, take me where you go, I am here.” And taking that step the Lord has called you to go.

This meadow we walk in has stretched my faith in different ways and deepened my trust in my Lord even more. It has humbled my heart moreso in which I am eternally grateful for, and it has helped me grow in more submission to Jesus. But isn’t that the beauty of our walk with Christ? Daily growing in Him. Daily surrender. Daily submission. Daily growing in our faith and trust in Him. He uses everything for our good.

Where in your life have you seen the move of God?

Where is God calling you to that you have held back?

How are you feeling in the places He is telling you to go and do?

How can you take the leap of faith today of what God is calling you to do?