Sunday Morning Reflections | A Mother’s Heart
I wasn’t sure, again, if I would start writing. Seems pretty inconsistent doesn’t it? I guess it may be to some, but to me, what’s going on in my heart, home, outdoors, our life, it isn’t the priority on my list. I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to. Even though I do have a love for writing. I just was not quite sure where the Lord wanted me and I wanted to be where HE wanted me. Then He showed me. Sunday morning as I sat on my bible reading chair, hot coffee in hand, bible cracked open reading the Word, there it was. The vision of me sitting down, blogging, once again. And I saw this certain specific piece I was writing…. and so here it begins.
Early Sunday Morning
What a glorious morning it is. With a long night of no rest, no sleep and an all of a sudden sick little ones. Fear wanting to creep in as I see my sons eyes. The trauma that comes after the scenes, the traumatic scenes of our past walk, should I worry? Should I fear? As a woman who walks in the LORD’S ways, how am I to tend to this? How am I suppose to react?
It is by faith that I am able to react in such a faith-filled, peace-filled way.
Seeing my sons eyes, seeing them do the same thing as before with a shunt malfunction, I can only stay in union with my Father. Going through a night of a teenager who hates how her mom doesn’t allow her to do everything she wants- in the heat of an argument, words being exchanged and there the enemy, once again, laughs at how he thinks he can tear me down again.
In the moments where I feel alone on this parenting journey because I am the only one to care for her well being, it’s the Lord that carries me through all I face right now. He reminded me that He is her Father, to lead her the right way. To Him.
In the parenting of a wayward teen, it can be, and play a hard effect, on mamas. I don’t know how mamas back in the early 1800’s did it. Not just any mama’s, but God-fearing, God-loving, God-honoring mamas. I like to think they didn’t suffer much trouble with teens as we do now in the modern world. But that is a lie. Mamas back in the day, way back in the day, they too suffered with wayward teens. But what did they do? They submitted to the ONE. They remained in their faith. They continued to pursue YWHW. They prayed fervently. Per my readings of biographies on the men and women who departed from their family of faith, yet, came back a thousand times stronger in their faith.
Gentle and meek, humble at heart, prayerful and diligent. These are the words I hear as mother’s who are raising strong willed daughters in this era. How then can I represent Christ in the heat of an argument with a fifteen year old who thinks she knows it all or thinks her mother is up against her?
We don’t reply at times. Sometimes quietness is needed to not damage what’s worthy to keep. Words matter. And words, though fickle, wreck a person and even reveal a persons heart. The truth comes out when words are said. It’s a reflection of the heart.
What a day it was. What a day. How can I walk in His ways today?
How can I represent, reflect, Christ today to a teenage daughter while holding the rest of my family in the battle of fear in sickness while trying to hold myself together?
I can’t.
May YWHW lead me and hold me evermore.
The battle we are up against is not against flesh and blood. And that is a constant reminder to my soul and spirit.
We battle on our knees.
The very words the Holy Spirit whispered to me in the wee early morning.
We battle on our knees, not with the flesh and certainly not in the flesh. We wage war on our knees. In the heat of an argument, in the thicket of the battle, pray. Pray at all times. In all things. In all circumstances. Prayer should not be our last resort but our first.
We pray because that is our weapon. And what a great weapon we have when we pray in the spirit. Praying at all times and in all things. Walking in the power and authority Christ has given.
May YWHW grant us the strength to continue this war and end it mightily.