Seeking Strength in the Final Stretch of Pregnancy
Anxiety and fear ridden prayers roll off my tongue and into the darkness as I brave yet another lonely night of pregnancy insomnia. Every thought about my upcoming labor and delivery is accompanied with a strong dose of negativity. I yearn for peace and comfort as I silently cry out to the Lord. I am fearful, I am filled to the brim with anxiety, and I am utterly exhausted.
In a desperate attempt to ease the awful busyness of my mind, I give up on sleep and pad down the hallway to the kitchen. As I prepare what seems like my hundredth cup of tea this week, I find myself gazing out the window to a peaceful, wintry world. The snowflakes are large and wet, glimmering softly as they pass by the lamp post on the corner. The road is completely white, still unscathed by early morning commuters. The house is cool and quiet. I wish I felt as calm as the world appears to be tonight. Steaming cup of tea in hand, I abandon my post at the kitchen window and settle into the oversized living room chair. My eyelids are heavy, and my body is weak. I can’t remember the last time I was quite this tired. I can hear the words of my mother loudly in my head reminding me to “just wait until the baby comes”. The thought alone reignites my fear of not being able to properly care for my child in those first few weeks.
How can I possibly be more tired than this?
What if I don’t wake up to my baby’s cries?
Am I really prepared to be a mother?
The negative thoughts and fears begin to snowball and, before I know it, I am watching my tears slowly drip into the cup my hands are tightly grasping. I can feel myself slowly starting to fall apart.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV
Do you ever have one of those moments where a verse or song suddenly pops into your head? One that seems completely random, but is wildly relevant to the struggle you are facing? I always claimed that I’d never heard the voice of God, that He had never spoken to me. I maintained that way of thinking until I had an encounter last summer, following my second miscarriage, where I realized that these random thoughts were not so random. Suddenly, I knew that those words were placed in the forefront of my mind by the Savior himself to provide comfort when I needed it the most. This sleepless night was no different. In the still of the night, as I felt my spirit crumbling, I was reminded that God’s power is most evident in my weakness.
Pregnancy, labor and delivery, motherhood…they’re all stages of life that are deemed some of the most difficult and joyful of a woman’s life. This night feels especially difficult and, yet I am reminded that there is purpose in this pain. I am reminded that I must decrease if God is going to increase (John 3:30). I am thoroughly exhausted and anxiety ridden. I would give anything for a full night’s sleep to replenish my body’s need for rest and offer a break from my constant anxiety and fear. Even so, I decide to reach over and open my Bible. I let my bloodshot eyes rest on the words that fill each page and allow them to settle on my weary heart.
Before long, I find myself beginning to relax and yearn for my bed. I ease my achy body out of the oversized chair, pad my belly back down the hallway, and snuggle back into my pregnancy pillow. The anxiety has lifted and I can feel myself falling asleep. Thank you, Jesus.
Let this serve as your reminder to cast all cares and anxieties at the feet of the Lord (1 Peter 5:7). When you feel that you are at your lowest, I hope that you find comfort in knowing that He sees you and is with you always. Whether this article finds you battling pregnancy insomnia, fighting to stay awake with your newborn, or hiding in the bathroom for a 3-minute break from your toddler when your husband gets home from work, I pray that you feel the presence of the Lord guiding you through this difficult season. This hard will not last forever, but I’d like to pray for you in the meantime.
Lord Jesus,
I pray that you would be with the woman reading these words. Perhaps she is battling pregnancy insomnia and would give anything for a good night’s rest. Maybe she is locked in the bathroom in a desperate attempt for some moments of solitude after a long day of chasing her toddler. She could be looking for a distraction in the labor and delivery waiting room or trying to stay awake that first night with a new babe. No matter where she is, or what stage of life she is in, I pray that you would rest your hands upon her. May she feel your presence and know that you are increasing as she is decreasing. Lord, I ask that you would remind her that your power is made perfect in weakness, and that you are working all difficulties for good. I pray that she would be bold, proudly boasting of her own weaknesses so that your power and glory is evident. May she find peace amidst the challenges she is facing, strength in her weakest moments, and comfort in knowing you are with her always.
Amen.
Meet the Author
Morgan spends her days as a photographer and Colorado State 4-H Shooting Sports Program Assistant, yet her favorite roles are being a daughter, wife, and mother. You can often find her curled up on the couch with a good book and cup of tea, cuddling her two dogs, or spending time with family. A newly established student of the Bible, she loves spending time in the Word and developing her relationship with Jesus through prayer and worship. You can find her on instagram @msmorganjohnston