Not In My Own Strength
I hated the thought being weak.
Somehow the thought of being weak meant something horrible. The way the world portrays weak just doesn’t make it any better.
When we encounter something so hard, so difficult, so painful, hurtful yet we feel ourselves crumbling… our hurt just has more hurt… its in those moments that we seek Christ’s strength. We ask for HIS strength. We feel HIS strength. It is in those painful, hurting, difficult, I can’t wrap my mind around this, kind of moments that bring us to our knees and say “no more pride of strength, no more of I can do this all on my own because I can’t.”
I use to think it was wrong to show weakness when we pray.
I use to think being weak wasn’t a good sign of being a Christ follower.
But thats when he showed me, “its in those moments, in your weakness, that my power is shown best.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
When I am weak, I am strong because of HIM in me. Because Christ is in me.
Pain. Hurt. Sorrow. Grief.
He knows it all. Even in times when we cant speak. I had zero words coming out of my mouth after I praised Him. In the midst of falling to my knees crying in need of his comfort, after that…. I couldn’t find words to speak.
When you lose someone you love, care for so deeply, who you just cannot accept that they will no longer be here, is very painful. Seeing and feeling the hurt.
I felt terrible breaking down as a mother, crying in tears that kept flowing and flowing down my cheeks. The only words I could say were apologizing to my daughters for weeping so much in front of them and then crying out to God, “I will still praise you LORD because you are still good and I still love you even though this hurts so much. I still trust your plan.” My girls were comforting me when I desperately needed it the most, but also seeing I didn’t want them seeing me broken. I didn’t want them to see that part of me.
I thought “I’m a mom I need to be strong for them. Mom’s are strong.”
Until yesterday.
It showed a different part of me that I couldnt contain.
A mom who fell to her knees in so much hurt not wanting to accept, not wanting to believe, but tears that continued to fall.
Then I hear and feel my girls praying and hugging. The most sweetest yet hurtful moment of my life.
“Mom, you were crying in hurt and you said to God ‘I still love you, I still trust you, even though this happened I know you are still good because that is who you are.’ Mom I heard it. You still love him after this…”
Friend, I know the pain of that moment seems to much to bear. I know the hurt that just keeps coming out of no where. I know the feeling of not wanting to accept it because it seems life cant go on…
But let me say something real quick…
HIS PEACE began flowing in my heart like you wouldn’t believe. A peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). I began to feel His strength to carry on through and be present for who needs me.
It’s okay to feel weak. Our human flesh can only carry so much strength. God gives the rest!
Receive His strength. Receive His Power. Trust and know that the Lord is good. He’s the same today as he was yesterday and will be forever more.
I know it hurts. It hurts so deep.
But JESUS! He can help.
He is our Help! Our Comfort! Our Peace! Our Hope! Our Breath!
It may not wipe away right this second. It may take a little while to heal, but his goodness will not fail.
Even if our flesh fails us, He never will.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corin. 12:9
