Raising Daughters in a Technology World Part 1

I have wanted to speak about this topic for quite some time but it wasn’t until the Lord had to do His own work in me and my family before speaking occurred.

I was once the mom who didn’t want her child to have this device in her hands, you know the one that has the whole world at her fingertips. I felt this device isn’t the greatest thing created. Until the day he showed me there is good in it too!

This two-part series is called “Raising Daughters in a Technology World.” Two blog posts and two podcast episodes speaking on raising our daughters in a world that’s all about technology. These posts and speakings won’t be a controversy conversation but more of what God has shown us in this in hopes to encourage you and shine the light to your family as well. I know mothering can be challenging in this era. But first off, God is with you. He hasn’t left you in this and you are called and made for this. Though there is times you question if you’re doing this right…. God is there! He knows…

Secondly, I want you to know you are not the only mom facing this. I know quite a bit of mothers who are trying to raise their daughters in this era that has somehow gone haywire.

I remember the first time I was handed a phone at the age of 16. It had no internet, nor did it have wifi connection. It was a simple Nokia phone that only texted 1,000 texts and a certain amount of calls per month. I know what you’re thinking “wow did that even exist?” It surely did. It wasn’t hard to have a phone then like how it is now. It seems there was more connection then than now. It seems connection was lost now that phone companies want all the texts, calls, and now internet unlimited all at your fingertips.

We didn’t have to worry much about having the world at our fingertips then. Now… we have to be cautious at how we are training our children on this small, yet, big device.

Let’s First talk about healthy boundaries of having time limits. Time limits are probably the best thing ever invented. We put the do not disturb mode and sleep mode on at certain times. Then it awakens at a certain early time. In the down times, apps are shut, phone calls are off (except emergency contacts), and texts are off. It creates a space of privacy, boundaries, and it helps your mind body soul and spirit to rest in these times. When we do theses things we are teaching them healthy boundaries. Better rest, longer sleep to ensure their minds are cleared, and discipline.
Everyone has schedules that are different. For us, we have our phones shut off at 7pm at night to ensure an hour of bible reading, book reading, prayer, anything we’d like to discuss before bed, to help clear the heart and mind. We put our kids in bed at 8:30 to ensure they get good sleep. The phones get turned on at 7:30am to ensure we spend time with God first before we check our devices.
This healthy boundary isn’t to stop them from living life, but from allowing the devices to capture their hearts. It shows them that God should always be first in our lives rather than the things in this world. While it shows them putting God first, it also shows them discipline. It is necessary even in these small devices, because without discipline it can capture their eyes, ears, and hearts if we are not on guard and careful. Limiting time, limiting apps, doesn’t have the world stopping… you won’t miss anything… but instead it brings great discipline in their lives for when adulthood comes. When our phones go off, a sudden ring, a sudden text ding, a sudden email swoosh sound, when they all come through, our minds have been trained to reach and grab it. It is now time to retrain that mind to discipline… to knowing it is okay to not run to it each time but to take a breather.

Sister, I encourage you, to look at healthy time limits, time blockages that can not only help your daughter in this technology world, but also help you.

Another subject I’d like to share about is privacy. This subject can surely bring you tip toeing around but friend, don’t allow it to. Allow this subject to bring you with ease… There should be a healthy balance of privacy and trust. Not the privacy of not wanting a parent to know the password to the device. This isn’t to evade in their lives, we are told to protect and guard them, to train them up in the way they should go so when they get old they will not depart from it, it is said in Proverbs 22:6. If we think of how we want our children to be like when they grow up, not success and not fame, but spiritual discipline and spiritual growth, we are to train them now while they live within our home. Showing them that they shouldn’t have to hide anything from you, but trust you when they need to talk, when they need a shoulder to cry on, when they feel belittled, hurt, betrayed, bullied, or even feel curiosity. Yes, I said that word, curiosity. Because we are to gain that trust within them, knowing that they can run to us with questions rather than running to friends or even google to find something out. Now I’m not saying to run to their phone every second they get a text, but I am saying that when you pray and God has given you that discernment to check it, or that deep gut sense in you knowing something isnt right…. listen. Because more than likely, its never wrong. Now they don’t have to tell everyone their password to their phone but they do need to let their parents know. It is a safety measure ensuring they aren’t stepping over boarders they are not meant to. Though this subject seems to bring a whole new level to some people, I feel this subject needs to be taught more. We cannot just hand a device over to our children, that has more than what we even know, thinking they will know better. Many parents are afraid to step on their toes or feel they will lose respect, but let me tell you some truth in what God has shown us. Respect from young teens come from parents who are not only constant and consistent in their lives but also ones who show they care, with love, by doing these things. By wanting to know their friends, their parents, inviting them to dinners and such, even wanting to know their feelings whether its whacky days, hard days, emotional days, and even good days.

Bullying. I wish this never existed. Bullying has been one we dealt with for so long. But now there is text bullying, cyber bullying, phone call bullying. And the only way it can be stopped is if it’s brought to light. Previously, I mentioned about privacy. This is one of the reasons I felt God tell me to check her phone. Though I didn’t want to because, well, privacy. But as he assured me to do so, I am so thankful I did. I had seen so much, my heart felt it couldn’t take anymore. Some girls can be mean, but some can be kind too. Not all girls tell their parents things, and some tell their mothers everything. I happened to see some texts deleted and some that were the most terribliest thing yet to see. Mama’s, there’s times we need to stand up and times we need to stand behind them. The Holy Spirit will lead you in what to do. He will show you what to do. We have to trust him in these things with out daughters as we raise them up. We also are to teach them grace, forgiveness and love. Even in the hurt, we are to teach them to take it to God and forgive them. Each girl is growing up, each daughter needs God, each friend needs a friend that shines God’s light. Teach her to pray for them instead of lashing back at them. Teach her to place her phone down and leave it until she can find peace and His grace. Teach her to not accept everything someone says and instead speak life into that situation. (More to come next week). Show your daughter you are there for her, because she will need you more than anyone at that moment. This is when she will need you as her friend… as her mother who listens, holding her in the lost moments…

I know this series is different than what I normally write, but this message was strongly put on my heart and I couldn’t seem to ignore it. I felt this series, this message, needs to be shared with so many moms who are raising daughters in this demand of a technology world.

We are their role model friend. They first see us and then see others. Teens don’t have to be labeled like what others say, rebellious, rude, mistreated, disrespectful, not kind hearted… they are quite the opposite and in a place of learning to adult and let go a little string at a time and yet wanting to be with mom and in her arms. They are in the in between… and this is the perfect place for you and I to teach our daughters, pointing them to Christ. Showing them these tiny devices that are held in our hands more often then we like to admit, can be used for the glory of God if we allow it to. It does not have to consume us but rather, if we train our minds, our hearts, our eyes and ears upon the Lord, we become like the tree that is planted near the streams of water, that yields fruit in its season, our leaf doesn’t wither and all that we do will prosper. Psalm 1:3

Hang tight dear mama, God has called you for this task for a specific purpose. Your daughter is looking up to you. Do you see her? Your daughter longs to have hugs, have you hugged her? Your daughter wants to know your ears are open, are they?

Hang tight sweet mama…. God is holding us up to raise these daughters, to train them up, to bring a shift of new raised daughters living boldly for the Kingdom… He my sweet friend… is holding us up for such a time as this.

We will discuss more next Thursday Apps and Identity. But for now sis….. I’ll see you right back here next week!