My Heart Cry at the Laying on a Hospital Bed
The other night I laid on the hospital bed and fear came trembling. My mind swirling with “what-ifs” and my head pounding and body aching in hopes to not receive any bad news. I laid there, hoping and praying for the Lords touch.. to wrap around and hold me so close. And He did. My Lord is faithful. My Lord is good. My Lord is powerful. My Lord is and always will be…
As I laid there in that room on that bed alone, these words began to flow and I wrote them on my phone. And because I want to be completely honest of my walk with God, I am sharing what I wrote on my phone here.
“I sit here in the hospital bed, fear trying so hard to knock me down and cave in, yet I pull up the encouraging emails I receive from the Word of the Lord.
Laying down I reflect on the Lords provision, faithfulness and even goodness from months and years before.
Though this road looks a bit familiar, it isn’t the same as the ones before.
I’m stronger than the last roads, but filled with humility, bowing down to my Savior in whom my soul very needs.
My strength and rock, my fortress and my song, the one I look to with strong hope he’s present.
This lonely cold room where I lay, thoughts trying to sweep in and evade.
Yet this warmth I can’t explain, surrounds me, reassuring me He is near.
Where the old thoughts and past times flood through, trying to make me afraid it’ll happen again, only to feel the beautiful embrace of my Savior and his grace.
I desperately want to cry as I lay here alone, my husband and kids in another room waiting, while here I lay with the four walls looking back at me.
Only if we could know the future of what we will face.
But then again, where is the faith or the trust that strengthens in it all?
God is sovereign, in complete control of it all, so why should my soul worry, when today is enough of its own?
He is present and with me, my ever present help when I’m trouble. Hearing my cries and plea’s as I lay here with a deep heart cry unto my Lord.
‘Oh Lord my Lord, where it seems you have gone afar, that is a lie to be told for I know you are here who never leaves never forsakes. You promise to be near, you promise to be close, that’s what I hold tight to, knowing you are a promise keeper.’
As I lay here on this bed, fighting my own thoughts, I lay them down at the alter and surrender all to you. Your Word is true, its been proven true, so why should my soul worry when you have proven your trustworthiness through all I have been through?
With every petition and voice, every plea and cry, I will trust in thee through all the unknowns.
I believe in you, in who you say you are. For you’ve shown your goodness, faithfulness and trustworthiness through these years of my life.
No other name goes before you but you, and no one else can compare to the Father I have in you.
I release myself wholly to you, knowing you have good plans for me and…..” (this is all I feel led to share at this time dear friend, may you be encouraged in your battle and may you triumph over it all too!)