Mommy Wars
Stay at home moms. Working Moms. Homestead moms. Homeschool moms. Public school moms. Medical moms. There’s no one better.
Moms who work isn’t better than moms who stay home.
Moms who stay home are no better than moms who work.
Moms who choose to homeschool are no better than the moms who choose to public school.
There’s no right or wrong way. It’s all led by God and God ordained if we walk in His will.
Why then must we have “mommy wars” weighing out who is better when in reality we are all called to be somewhere.
God leads, we follow. And this is the direction in which we should take.
I was once a working mom who worked endless hours to support the living I needed for my child, in whom I was a single mother at the time. I worked two jobs, sometimes three, just to try and make rent on time, supply the food on the table, afford daycare, and the daily expenses needed.
I married, had our second, again, worked and we saw the endless sickness that was tirelessly tiring us and her little body along with every single penny I made was all going towards daycare. Nothing more to take home. To us it made no sense. And there, I felt a call and a tug to become a stay at home mom.
It was challenging and hard for me in that time as I was so use to working hours and hours at a time since 15 years of age. But God knew that enslavement of work needed to be uprooted in me. Work wasn’t bad. It was the chasing that made it bad. It took Him to call me to stay home that the uprooting needed to begin.
It was then I experienced “mommy wars.” I felt such a sudden failure thinking I failed my children and myself for not pursuing the career I wanted in life. I felt that being a stay at home was meaningless and everything I did was not being seen. The little mundane tasks that I put endless effort in seemed worthless to do. Everything I did at home felt overlooked when the hard work was put in daily.
Wiping boogies, changing diapers, potty training, mopping, sweeping, laundry, it all seemed like chores and nothing more to what God called me to do. I didn’t realize that I was engraved of the “American culture.” Taught at such a young age that success is only success when you carry a degree and wear a business suit, own a mansion, own stocks and retirement and have an abundant supply of savings. To work endlessly and tirelessly. That these things matter, not home things. Until the Lord showed me, in the least and most mundane tasks at home, that they do matter. Being a stay at home mom matters. Even working moms matter. No mom is better than another and no job is better than another. We are all called by God to something, to do something, all for the Kingdom of God. Whether seen or not seen.
We shouldn’t make any other mom feel less, rather we should have a helping hand in their times of crisis, troublesome, always pointing to Christ. Never should we weigh ourselves as if our calling is better than hers. God calls us to one place, one destination, a calling in which we all have.
We somehow adopted the lie along the way that one is more meaningful than the other and we muster the thought of the decision we felt compelled to make. Then there it is. Lies take root when doubt settles in and comparison arises. When we begin to think “her, that mom over there, is far better than I because she works and brings in the bacon while I… I change diapers.”
Meanwhile, the working mom begins to think, “wow, must be nice she gets to stay home and play with her children while I work endless hours missing on my children growing up. She must have the better work than I.”
Oh sweet mama… why must we have the mommy wars thinking one is better than the other? We shouldn’t. God sees homemakers. God sees working moms. God sees stay at home moms. God sees us mamas. Isn’t it wonderful to have such a Father who sees us? The value we put in our home, our work, all for the Kingdom of God?
Whether it’s for a season to stay home, or a long while. Whether its to work for a season, or for a long while, all of us mamas have something in common.
We are not defined by success or the title we carry. We are defined by God alone. Our identity got lost in the muster of things and decisions we made when our identity should, and always be, in Christ and Christ alone.
Us mamas want to feel significant and important in the work we do whether at home or at work. Whether we homeschool or public school. Us mamas are fully seen by El Roi, the God who sees, in all of our mundane tasks that seem seeming-less to the world but to God, they are everything.
Mama, don’t view your calling whether to work or be home to define who you are nor question what you feel compelled to do from the Lord. You are right where you are when the Lord leads you to where you need to be. No mother is more important than the other and no mom is getting more seen than you are. God sees the work you put into your home and work.
These mommy wars… how discouraging they can be. How heartbreaking it is to the Lord. The Lord never created us to discourage one another but He called us to build one another up, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Never should we make another mom feel less when God has called her to do something different. Rather, build her up in the Lord. Encourage her in the Lord. Just as Christ encourages us in our walks either at work or home, so shall we encourage those who are in need of it.
May we begin to view mom’s through the lens and eyes of the Father, not of the world, and embracing each journey the Lord leads us to do.
A Prayer for us
“Father, I can’t help but thank you so deeply in this time. For seeing us when we feel unseen by the things we do. We know these things matter to you. I ask that you help us not look onto another mom as less significant or even us as less significant but rather, help our eyes to view them as you do knowing each line of work is important when its done in you. I pray that you lead our journey, our calling, to always be of you never ourselves. Whether we stay home with our children, homeschool or public school, whether we work or not, I pray that you help our identity to stay established and rooted in you and you alone. Father, I pray that you give us the courage to stop the mommy wars and instead help us to build one another up, encouraging one another, as you do us. In the calling you called us to, I pray it brings an impact for the Kingdom and you receive all the glory, for you are worthy of all that we do. I thank you for being El Roi, the God who sees. Help us mamas to have a lending hand in times of another moms distress, troubles, heartaches, even her doubts, and help us to give her the words of wisdom from above not of earthly wisdom and may your name be exalted in it all in Jesus name, amen.”
MEET THE AUTHOR
Nicole is a devoted follower of Christ, wife to Leroy in whom they have 6 beautiful children, four daughters and twin miracle boys. She loves the sounds of nature, her sweet Texas living, all things gardening, and making friends. She loves to help other women know the love of Christ and become the deeply rooted woman in Christ who walks in His ways through all that they faces. You can connect with her on instagram: @lifewiththismom.