Handing Our Fears To The Lord As We Learn To Parent Our Teens
My husband and I are in a season of raising a teen. And let me tell you, it can be a bit challenging and refining. What I mean by challenging is not looking through our own eyes but the eyes of the Father in the tough times. Humbling ourselves yet needing that balance of being a parent and friend. Setting boundaries on too much freedom yet learning to give some freedom. Loving so deep even in the “I want to do it my way” moments. Refining in a way that shows us, as parents, what needs to be worked on ourselves too. Hearing the teenage hurts and feelings they walk, seeing them stumble at times when you want to clean it up for them. It can be hard to see.
But if I am being truthfully honest here, what makes it more challenging for my husband and I in this season, is co-parenting. It has been hard the past years, yet the past months. My husband and I are being led daily on how to raise up our children in the Lord by hearing what the Lord tells us. My mamas heart for my children is to love Him wholeheartedly. Serve Him humbly with joy. Obeying Him quickly. And most importantly, having the fear of the Lord instilled in them. These character traits are more important to me than achievements, scholars, awards, making their name known because ultimately, I want Gods name known in their life. I want God to be evident in their life. I want them to shine his light so bright in the world where light is needed.
Maybe you, too, are in a similar boat. In the challenging season of parenting a teen as you hear and feel the Lord’s guidance on raising them, yet the world is saying different. You feel the pull, you feel the struggle, you feel the tension in the air. Maybe you are in the boat of co-parenting with a non-believer. Maybe you just want to do this thing right.
I asked the Lord one day, “what are you doing in this? Where are you? Because I can’t feel or see you in this matter and it hurts… I know you are here, deep inside I know it because you never leave, yet, I just don’t see. Help me to see and not go by my feelings.”
It can be hard for us mamas, for us families, who have this deep desire to teach our children to not love the world or seek happiness in the world, yet peers, friends, family say the opposite only to cause confusion in our children\teens. Especially if we are co-parenting.
The worst thing to tell a teen is to seek their own happiness. To follow wherever happiness leads them. While we don’t want misery for them, we also don’t want them to search high and low for happiness in this world.
To have truth spoken I will say this gracefully. Happiness cannot be found here in this world nor can it be bought. Happiness is a fleeting feeling, it comes and goes based off circumstances.While joy, fear of the Lord, and deep abiding love never fleets, it remains.
Maybe you are there. Maybe you are hurting also in trying to do what is right in the Lord’s eyes, doing as He says, yet there are others speaking opposite of what God is saying to your children/teen…. and you just aren’t sure anymore…. you just can’t seem to bear anymore…
Can I just tell you, mama, that I get it. I hear you and see you. Most importantly though, Jesus gets you, sees you, and hears you. He knows your mama’s heart and your intentions for your teen, your child. Your beloved. The one in whom you bore and carried within the womb. He also knows this…
The fear that is deep within. The fear of letting go and allowing God to work His way through them. Believe it or not, we as parents can step in the way of the Lords will in their life if we continue to stand in the way. Oh friend, I wish we were having coffee or some tea or some yummy refreshing lemonade together right now so I could tell you more on this. This isn’t saying let them do whatever they want kind of conversation but more of trusting in the Lord as he guides us and them in this season.
We are growing more into the character of God as we lean more onto him through the seasons of raising teens, all while learning to co-parent with grace and truth.
When I asked the Lord where he was in this, he showed me. He is very much here with us, my husband and I, in this season. He showed me, even in the silence, it’s where we come to the Father even more, trusting in Him and not our own understanding. Proverbs 3:5-6. Not only are our teens growing, but we as adults are growing into maturity with the Lord. Parents… Mamas…. we never stop growing in the Lord. We just don’t.
We grow through what we go through, and that is simple truth.
We tend to fear of letting them fall. Or making mistakes. We want them protected so much that no harm or hurt comes near them. And that is understandable. This mama bear instinct kicked in and I was trying to protect her from anymore hurt that was already caused previously. I wanted to fix the damage. Fix the gap. Fill the gap within. But instead, I was not only damaging myself, I was hurting her by placing myself on the throne as God and not mom. I was hindering and blocking based out of fear.
Friend, we should never parent out of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of co-parenting because one family serves the Lord and follows Him yet another doesn’t. There is no fear in that, just trusting in the Lord all the way through. God doesn’t parent us in fear but rather out of love. He directs, guides, trains, equips, and is graciously mercifully present.
If we continue to hand our fears over to the Lord, covering our children by praying scripture, and obeying to what the Lord says about parenting our teens, we will begin to feel less pressured, free from fear, and anchored in hope knowing that Jesus is here with us through it.
In order to fully trust God with our teens we must:
- Acknowledge they are His before they are ours.
- Acknowledge our fears to the Lord in parenting our teens.
- Surrender them and our parenting daily.
- Cover our teens in scripture. (I pray scripture every morning in her room and every night with her)
- And know that God goes before them the same way he goes before you. Trust that He is for you, not against you and hears your pleas, cries, and heart for your teen.
Handing our fears over sometimes takes more than one time it takes a few times. But once we hand our fears over to the Lord, He then directs our view onto Him and off our fears in which we begin to co-parent with the Lord…. not of the world or fear. Trust His character friend. Trust that He is good, gracious, merciful, kind, loving, gentle, humble, forgiving. His character stands true and never changes. Even we change, our teens change, our circumstances change, God never does.
Hand that fear over to the Lord dear friend. And trust that He is good and will guide your every move on parenting your teen.