Crossing Our Red Sea
“And I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.” Hosea 2: 19-20 ESV
So what happened in the wilderness that has grown this marriage from talks of divorce to talks of Kingdom things? Even though this is the scripture that our Lord placed on my heart for this next testimony I’m reminded of His good work during Exodus. He was dealing with Pharaoh, who to me represented the sin in our life or the idols in our life, that we have allowed ourselves to be slaves to. Knowing we have full authority (now) from God yet, settling for chains and guaranteed food (insert the term “Hangry” here). In that He had to remove the Israelites from everything they knew: the comforts of custom, the “it’s been this way my whole life” or “I was born into this” mentality.
Trust me, I was there. I had the comforts of an extremely supportive family who just did good enough to get by, but we were running the streets with our emotions and our own ways. We had prayed and wanted better for our marriage. We didn’t know how to get right. We had no clue how to fight because we had no examples set before us. We were born into this life and just lived it.
Fast forward to 2019, we just celebrated our 15th year of marriage. We were making it. Just barely, but still holding on and trying in our own strength to move past the betrayals, the unforgiveness, the hidden and the shame. My husband had been working in another city 3 hours away from Monday- Friday. He would drive home on Friday, spend the weekend with us and leave Monday morning. Throughout the week, without his help at home, I was raising our two children, dealing with an autoimmune disease, and no other consistent help that I needed, while working 40+ hours a week myself. We had lived this way for about 3 years, until 2019, when I had the bright idea of renting a small apartment where he was at instead of staying in a hotel if we decided to go his way for visits. Well it was a great idea, but I can’t look back and take credit for it. It was all God’s idea.
He took us out of our comforts to the wilderness. Away from family and familiarity. I ended up quitting my job and we went from a two income family who thoroughly enjoyed spending our money carelessly, to a single income family having to pinch pennies like never before. We also pulled the kids out of public school (a whole other testimony there) and began our homeschool journey as well.
The Holy Spirit led us to our church. The whole thing- he led us to our homeschool program where I met our Pastor’s wife where we connected with our church and never had I met the most welcoming people ever. I have been to several churches, but I’m not here to bash anyone or group. It was us who were blind and He opened up our spiritual eyes and ears at His perfect time. These were His people who He chose for us to partner with in His body. People who had gone before us with Him. People ready to help us leave the worldly mentality to the Kingdom mentality. That is a hard thing to do. Fear, anxiety and shame all rise up. It does everything in its lack of power to make sure you stay down and separated. Much like Pharoah when he sent his army after the Israelites, it feels like there is no true way out.
These people fought for us, stood by us, and had the hard conversations with us. God was with us every step of the way just like the pillars of cloud and fire (Exodus 13).
They taught us about the secret place and the importance and beauty of reading the Word. How alive the Bible is to me. In the secret place is where He betrothed me and I came to know Him. Starting the journey of crossing the Red Sea to freedom. We are now in 2020 in the midst of the pandemic. My husband is hit by a truck at work. Now the funny part about this story is that my husband is a strong man, not just physical strength, but in every way. He has been injured in the worst ways at work and has never broken a bone or had to miss a day of work because of an injury. He has had hydraulic pumps smash his hand and not one broken bone. The truck was stopped at the stop sign but the sun was in the drivers eyes and he didn’t see my husband cross the walkway, and my husband thought they had made eye contact with him, waving him to cross. All safety assumed, but they weren’t that far apart so the most speed he could have picked up was maybe 5-10 m/hr? Well he absolutely didn’t see my husband because he also dragged my husband several feet until someone else stopped the driver. That’s all it took to break my husband’s leg. Truly God allowed this to happen.
He was in Delaware when this happened and we resided in Texas. The airports had one more day of flights before they shut down for the pandemic. He just made the last flight home. So for the first time in years my husband was home with us full time. He couldn’t walk because he elected not to have surgery so the bone had to heal on its own. He was confined to the bed or wheel-chair. Now this is the time that God decided to start getting our ducks in a row. He said it was so the enemy could not have a foot in our marriage. I had to tell my husband about my affair. I begged and pleaded with God not to have me walk down this path. I was so scared and trembling with fear that this would definitely be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. To top it off my husband wouldn’t even be able to leave if he got mad. He relied on me to help him and I just found it unfair to put him in this situation. But this was the first time I heard the audible voice of God say, “My beautiful daughter, why would you think I would not have prepared his heart?” So there I go, a bundle of tears and fears but I did it.
I began crossing my Red Sea into freedom. He held back the water by preparing his heart and I confessed all things to my husband sparing only details because they were not needed. He asked me why I confessed this to him. I told him that God told me to, to save our marriage by not letting the enemy have a foothold in our marriage. No secrets, nothing hidden between me and him. The enemy couldn’t threaten me with shame or guilt any longer.
In that moment my husband called me over to him and hugged me, loved me, and said, “I have told you from day one that there is nothing in this world that could make me stop loving you.” Yes, I am truly blessed to have experienced the tangible love of God through my husband.
Not many people in this world trust God to that level of forgiveness and love. To this day, in an argument or disagreement, my husband never said anything about it or used it against me. It’s in the past.
Paul reminds us in Romans 6:4 ESV “We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.”
Don’t pick up the old and dead man and carry it around. It’s heavy, stinky, and distracting.
I’d like to say it was all sunshine and rainbows, but anything worth fighting for deserves a fight. Now we had to endure the wilderness and learn to trust God in all things.
MEET THE AUTHOR
Selena grew up in the church with two loving parents who trusted in God, loved, and knew Him well as their Savior. It took Selena 37 years to give her life up and surrender it all to Him to be both her Lord & Savior. When Selena took the step after He found her, her life has never been the same. “It has been a whirlwind of learning to seek, listen, and obey.”