Key Tips on a Faith-Filled Thriving Marriage
I love being around this man. I love adventures with him. I love that he loves wholeheartedly. Most of all, I love the example He sets for our girls.
But it wasn’t always like this.
It took commitment. Listening to one another rather than just speaking. It took prayer. It took sacrifice.
When husband and wife become married they are no longer two but one. (Matthew 19:6). They no longer care about themselves but each other. They care about their marriage, their future, their health, and most importantly, their walk with the Lord.
It was a hard walk the first few years knowing we were two different people. One wanted one plan and the other wanted another plan. It seemed we could never agree to one thing. Our walk with the Lord was just barely beginning so we didn’t know how a godly marriage worked. Or even what it looked like.
We were so use to doing our own thing as we were before marriage that it began hurting our marriage rather than becoming stronger.
Until we moved.
The move was rough. It was lonely. It was exhausting and hurtful leaving everything I once knew behind. It was learning new things, meeting new people, it was learning more about each other than before.
But, it was beautiful. That is when Christ began to do His work in us and through us. Because we finally allowed Him too.
When we begin to let go of our big ego, our pride and our “independency” mindset, we begin to allow Christ to work in us, through us and in our marriage.
We had to let ourselves die in the flesh to allow God to restore our marriage and bring newness and new life into it. If we didn’t let our pride, our selfish desires and “independency” go, our marriage would have failed completely. It was at the point of drifting away without us even realizing or seeing what was behind it all.
The “I am independent and don’t need a man or anyone” is the lie from the pit of hell. We are called to submit to our husbands* we are called to submit to our marriage, we are called to depend on them and Our Father. We are NOT independent people. We do not thrive in marriage or life when we become “independent.”
See, the enemy is here to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Steal your joy, kill your faith and destroy your marriage. And that is what He was doing. But we didn’t see it that way. We saw it as pointing fingers blaming the other party. We saw it as ignoring one another feelings or past as if it didn’t matter. We didn’t listen to one another instead we both wanted to speak.
Until the move happened.
Until the church we attended opened our hearts. Our eyes. And restored and renewed our faith, marriage and life.
Our marriage shifted. Our faith grew stronger. Our love became ACTION, not of words.
Marriage shows the love Christ has for the bride.
Marriage is suppose to be a reflection of Christ coming for His bride.
We are to examplify the love Christ has for us through marriage.
This man right here, shows exactly that. He shows the girls how a husband is suppose to put God first and even when making decisions. He shows the girls how a godly man is suppose to treat his wife.
God worked in him and through him, in me and through me, to become the kingdom marriage we are called to be. To set that example for our girls and our future generations to come.
It never use to be this way. It was rough the first two years. Than we learned the way Christ wanted our marriage. We saw transformation. We saw selfishness die. We saw how marriage truly is sacred. How it’s forgiving even when it seems it’s impossible to forgive. We saw where our priorities were and what needed to be removed.
From experience, I’ve learned to forgive BEFORE anything has happened.
We learned to surrender our marriage to God allowing Him to use us in any way shape or form.
He showed us how to pray boldly together, coming to the throne of grace and declaring truths and promises over our marriage and children. He showed us to trust Him in our marriage and future.
He showed us how to lay our selfish desires down to help the other. He changed our view of one another and we began seeing each other as Christ sees. Christ never gave up on us and he showed us we shouldn’t either.
We wanted to give up. We wanted to throw in the towel at the beginning. We had “friends” and “family” who would say its okay just give up and move on. It was then we realized those are not the friends and family we need to run to. It was God and trusted God fearing, believers in Christ, who we need to surround ourselves with.
Marriage continues to flirt and date as if you were still in the newlywed, honeymoon, stage. Even if you have kids, dating isn’t over. Dating continues on. Get creative. Put the kids to bed early and you two have a game night, movie night, sitting outdoors talking for hours, late dinner night or a special dessert night.
Because we are married we shouldn’t have to stop flirting or dating. We shouldn’t have to give up on that. Instead we should continue on with that. Send funny flirty texts. Send pictures of one another to each other. Send emoji’s guessing what the other is saying. You get the picture.
God showed us LOVE. And helped us show LOVE not with just words but with action. Same way He showed His immeasurable love to us by sending His Son, Jesus, to this world to die on the cross for us. (John 3:16). What a beautiful sacrifice. He helped us get to where we are at now. He brought us through. He redeemed our marriage. He transformed it and our hearts. He renewed our eyes, faith and love. He gave us a fresh new life, marriage that is beyond incomparable to how the world views.
LOVE…..
Love never fails. Never gives up. Keeps no records of wrongs. Never is rude or arrogant.
Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love isn’t a feeling, it’s an action.
(1 Corinthians 13)
Christ’s love is perfect. And because His love is perfect, so can our love for one another. He is a redeemer. He is one who can transform the ugly to clean & pure. If we allow Him to work in our marriage we begin to see something new in it.
Here are 15 Key Tips on Keeping a Faith-Filled, Thriving Marriage.
- Flirt. Flirt as much as possible. Flirt like it was your dating stage, newlywed stage, honeymoon stage. If you have kids, let them see you flirt. It sets the example of Love.
- Date. Never stop dating. Even if it’s once a month or twice a month. Make it a priority. If you have kids, show them how important it is to put your spouse first and how dating is necessary.
- Communicate. Communication is vital. How can one spouse know what we are feeling or thinking? They can’t read minds. Talk but also listen. Share with one another each others fears, day, emotions, stresses, joys, etc. It helps the spouse to better understand how and what specifically needs to be prayer for.
- Share & Write Goals. It’s okay to plan together and write goals down. Financially, physically, spiritually, mentally, for your marriage and family. And then release those goals to the Lord. Though he plans our steps and knows the way we should go, it still brings you two together doing this. It helps you both to see where you would like to go together.
- Take Adventures Together. Never be afraid to take and adventure together with your spouse. It bonds you two, brings your marriage closer together.
- Be Forgiving. No marriage is perfect. No person is perfect. But when you forgive and move forward, something beautiful blooms. Don’t let the enemy hold you captive in the unforgiveness department. We must forgive 70 times 7…. a DAY not a year. (Matthew 18:22). What I learned is to forgive before an offense has happened.
- Keep No Record of Wrongs. While the enemy tries to bring up the past, the hurts and disappointments, as LOVE we must not keep record of wrongs. The same way our Heavenly Father forgives us for our sin and rememberers them no more, so we must do the same. (Isaiah 43:25, Hebrews 8:12, 1 Corinthians 13).
- Submit to Your Spouse. The world will say submitting to your spouse is weak, it actually is something God mentions to us wives. (Ephesians 5:22-33)
- Be Thoughtful. Consider the other highly above yourself. Place your spouse above yourself. (Philippians 2:3).
- Godly Friends. Surround you and your spouse around other believers who have walked before you. Helping you, equipping you, and encouraging you in your marriage. We are not meant to walk life alone, we are meant to surround ourselves with other believers to help us in our walk with Christ. (Proverbs 13:20, Proverbs 27:17, 2 Corinthians 6:14).
- Pray together. When two or more are gathered in His name, there He will be. There is power in prayer when husband and wife come together in prayer, coming boldly to the throne of grace. (Matthew 18:20).
- Encourage One Another. In difficult times, that’s when it shows your heart. When your spouse is going through a rough time, encourage them with truth. Praying for them and helping them through it. (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
- Ask, Seek, Knock. When decisions are to be made, pray first to God before making the decision and ask Him if this is the right door. Seek His will for your marriage and each other. And Knock on His door knowing He will provide the way and answers for you two.
- Love Wholeheartedly. Love with everything you have. Love like Christ loves the church. Love in the good, the ugly, the messy, the joyful days and sad days. Love never gives up. Show love in action not just words.
- Seek Fulfillment in Christ Alone, Place Him FIRST. Lastly but certainly not the least it’s the greatest of them all…. Look for fulfillment in Christ alone never in each other. Yes, they are our spouse but Christ is FIRST in our life. Place Him first in your everyday life. Morning right when you rise, throughout the day and at night before you close the day. If we look for fulfillment in our spouse, we will get disappointed because they too, are human. It is Christ whom we need most. When we put Him first, all other things fall into place.
Friends, I am here to say we have walked through the valleys of darkness in marriage. We have walked in a place where it was close to an end. We have walked different season in our marriage and let me tell you…. CHRIST is a Redeemer. A Restorer. A Transformer.
Our Heavenly Father is the Potter, and we are the clay. Allow Him to shape your marriage and you, mold you and your marriage, and transform you and your marriage. Trust Him with yourself, your spouse and marriage.
“Heavenly Father we thank you for the love you have for us. For your son whom you sent to die on the cross for us. Thank you for your forgiveness of our sins that is remembered no more. And thank you for all the things you have done before us, doing now, and will do in the future. Shape us, mold us, make us new in our lives and marriage. Help our marriages thrive in the Kingdom, setting the examples to our children and children’s children, showing the reflection of the Love of Christ for His bride. Work in us Lord and uproot anything that is not of you. In Jesus Name, Amen.”
*Let me say this, if you are in danger of an abusive marriage, seek counsel immediately. Change can be done but seeking godly counsel for the marriage will help you determine the next steps to take. I believe our Father does not want this in marriage. But I have witnessed that change CAN be done.*