Monday Morning Reflection | The Battle of Faith & Fear
If you follow me on instagram, either on my personal one or the ministry one, you may recognize a few of theses words that were written in my journal that I shared.
Monday Morning Reflection
Our mind is the central theme of what we believe. Our mind is the battle ground, fighting for what’s true and wise.
To grow in truth is to grow in Christ.
To grow in Christ is to know Christ.
To know Christ is to know the Word.
To know the word we must read it daily.
And to read it daily is to abide in Christ.
Our minds wander. Our emotions fade. In the given moments where our hearts feel jaded,
Look upon the one who can hold us close.
Feelings are fickle.
Christ is not.
He is the ever glorious one who stays and remains with us, til the very end of age, as He promised.
Our mind is he central theme of what we believe. What will we believe? What will I believe? What will we accept?
What will we agree with?
Truth. That should always be the central theme of our mind, cultivating and having a truth-filled mind.
Fight through the battle. Press through the terrains, hold fast to the Word, for the Word never fails.
As we face today with sickness still hitting our home, I can sense fear knocking on the doors of my mind and heart. As my recent shared post on Sunday morning thoughts, both Leroy and I couldn’t help but notice those eyes. The eyes of our son who began to adrift.
Many won’t understand. But few will, who have walked familiar paths. Enduring the NICU and PICU comes with some after affects in parents lives. Both good and bad.
With each sickness, we find ourselves on our toes and on the verge of… “is it?” It’s an ugly feeling that I wish no parent will walk in. But with each sickness that comes, my mind and thoughts waver. I have to stop it and begin to preach truth to my heart. Truth of the Lord and what He says. Not my own version of truth, but the absolute truth.
Like today, sharing my heart to Abba Father of the weekend we had and the illness that hit our home. Illness we don’t want to happen. Any illness can cause our son’s shunt to malfunction. When a shunt malfunctions, it has some serious effects including brain damage. It is why we have become so reluctant over anyone who comes over if they are even “mildly” sick because of the numerous times we have flown to Fort Worth for revisions on his shunt. Now, this is not always the case. Sometimes it just fails. As any device and thing on this planet. We were never meant to rely on such sources, but how wonderful of a Father we have to have intervened in such situations we encountered. That is a true testament of their story. God’s written story all on them, our boys.
With each flown visit, each ambulance ride, I have truly tasted the Lords goodness and faithfulness. Even his provisional care as Abba Father.
But I would be lying if I told you it doesn’t bother me when sickness comes. Because underneath, it does. Being a mother to a child who needs medical care, she is only strong when she is in the Lord. Yes, even when she is utterly weak, He is strong in her and she becomes strong.
And for that, I thank the Lord for his strength and courage He places in me.
But today, boy oh boy did fear try to get me. We saw his eyes drifting and shutting down, we saw the signs, and I saw fear. I had to smack fear back in the face with the Word of the Lord. Earlier this morning the Lord mentioned, Psalm 28. I opened up the Word and began to read through it. Praying it. Thanking the Lord for it. Knowing He has heard my cry and knows what is going on. He knows every fiber being in our son, and for that, nothing we face or go through is ever by accident.
But it’s up to me how I will view this situation.
Will I view it in fear, in worry, in panic?
Or will I view it in the lens of Yeshua, trusting Abba Father in it all?
It’s always up to us on how we will view what we are in. How will you view what you are in?
I can choose…
Choose to sit and dwell in fear or I can place on my armor and trust in YWHW.
I can choose…
Choose to dwell of the past in its fearful form, or I can choose to look at the past and see YWHW’s faithfulness.
I can choose. What will I choose? What will you choose?
What many don’t see nor even understand is the after effects of going through the NICU, more of the PICU. Panic, worry, anxiety, fear. Just to name a few. It can happen suddenly. Abruptly. Rather heavily and sometimes all at once.
But what good will it do to my mental health? What good will it do for me to agree with such things?
Nothing. It wrecks havoc in my mind heart and soul only to leave me in such turmoil.
I’d rather much cry to Abba Father, sharing my heart and feelings to the Lord, and pleading for His rescue and help. And that He does. He doesn’t turn us away when we are in this battle. He rescues us from it. Although I wish we don’t have to face such trials and sufferings. Such illnesses around the world, I choose, I choose to count it all joy knowing my Lord and Savior is with me til the very end of time. I hold loosely to the fact that I have no control and instead I place my faith and trust in the one who is in complete control.
I have no control over what happens.
I have no control of what could happen.
I have no control of anything but only of where I will steer my feelings.
Will I steer them to God or steer them to fear? What will I choose?
Though many don’t understand, very few will. I hope and I pray that if you are that medical mom, post NICU-PICU mom, who battles and struggles with fear, worry, anxiety, panic… I pray that you become rescued from such place and that the Lord our God will comfort you in every way possible. I pray not only will He deliver you from it, but that you will bring the hope to others too, who are scared to share what’s going on in their hearts as us.
Let us not waver, for our foundation is upon Christ and Christ alone.
Let not others think we aren’t “christian” because we battle with such battles.
Let not your feelings dictate who you are in Christ.
For feelings are fickle, Christ is not. He remains. He stays. He is with us til the very end of age.
Nothing can separate Christ from us, and no one can snatch us out of Christ’s hand. Nothing.
Now as I hop off tonight to attend to our sick little ones, I am praying for you dear mama, who struggles with such feelings, and will continue to do so asking the Lord to deliver you, coming to you as you draw near to Him. May the Lord YWHW meet you right now where you are at, and the fear trembling at the feet of Jesus. And as we sit in the presence of Jesus, everything that is in us that is not of Christ, that it bows down and flees in Jesus name. May we, be the beacon to such places who need our encouragement and hope in Christ Jesus.
So now, mama, as I hop off tonight, what will you choose to agree, believe, accept and partner with?