God Our Restorer

“Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.” Psalm 116:2 ESV

“You will call My name. You will come to Me and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will search for Me. And when you search for Me with all your heart, you will find Me!” Jeremiah 29:12-13

I sit here with my chai tea in hand reflecting on all that God has spoken to me as of this year. Sometimes when he speaks it doesn’t always come to clarity of the meaning on what He is saying. Sometimes it takes a few times of Him speaking to get the full understanding.

At the beginning of this year the Lord told me, “the enemy has to pay back all that he had stole.”

“What in the world does this mean? Is this even biblical? Lord was this you? You are going to have to tell me more of what this means because I have no idea what this means.”

He led me to read the book of Job once again. I began to read it one chapter a day, fully grasping what I was reading.

Few days passed and in my quiet self I said, “is this even biblical of what I heard? I still don’t quite understand.” It was then I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to my heart, “the enemy has to pay back double fold of all that he stole. It is God’s law.“

My eyes widened, my jaw dropped, my heart sank, I was astonished to hear such words from the Holy Spirit. I continued my read in Job as prompted from the Lord and saw more that struck my heart. My heart sank with sudden sorrow. Feeling his pain. Feeling the sorrow. Feeling the loss. Feeling it all.

Can you imagine how Job must’ve felt? Losing it all except 2 things. His wife, but most importantly, his relationship with the Lord.

Did Job question the Lord? Absolutely. As I. I cried, mourned, for all of 2023. Why? Because, well, we walked through some trenches that nobody understands. I felt much like Job. Our twin miracle boys were encountering a season of warfare, as well as us parents and the whole family. 3 helicopter rides and 1 ambulance ride each one taking us to Fort Worth Texas. It was the most excruciating time of our life. One storm hits it clears and another suddenly hits harder. Each storm came only to disrupt our path with the Lord. Or so I felt.

I cried and mourned all last year for what we endured and faced in 2022 and 2023. And it was okay to do so. The Lord showed me last year the true meaning of lamenting. And that was where I was at. Lamenting. I shared with the Lord my heart and how I felt. Did I stop believing in Him? Not at all. I was just honest with Him of how I felt. This is my relationship with the Lord knowing I can share anything on my heart knowing He will not leave me, never forsake me, nor will He ignore me, but He will bend down and hear my cries, collecting every tear I shed.

I felt my pregnancy was robbed from me as I delivered my boys at 27 weeks.
I felt the newborn stage was stolen from me as they had to endure the NICU for 105 and 115 days.
I felt the breastfeeding stage was robbed from me as I could not nurse them as my dear mamas heart longed for them to be.
I felt their normalcy was stolen from us as they have to be seen with therapy, neurology, all the specialist.
I felt their normalcy of living a regular childhood had been stolen as they had to receive surgery after surgery by getting a shunt within their brains.
I felt their milestones were robbed from them as they are “behind” as each specialist mentions with every visit.
I felt abandoned from the Lord with every petition, cry, prayer, pleading for healing in their brain…
I felt as if everything was stolen from them in every way shape and form. From us all.

I cried, and still do. I am crying now as I am typing this because I wish, I only wish someone could see and understand how this mamas heart feels and deals with on a daily basis. Fighting for her children while fighting her mentality to stay anchored deep in the Lord. Then again, there is that One who does understand. Jesus.

So when the Lord led me to read Job, I knew right there the Lord was bending down, sitting with me on the couch, on that seat in January of 2024, telling me, he heard every single cry, collected every tear I had shed and still shed, and that HE is my comfort, strength, my all in this time. I cried because friends walked out on me leaving me to think I am not good enough to be a friend to anyone. I had tried to build a mother daughter relationship with my own mother only to see it doesn’t work when only one wants it to happen. I have tried to love others knowing what it feels like to not be loved by the ones you want to love you back. I found myself trying harder and harder because I was afraid of another bad year of losing it all.

And I did. I lost it all. Mainly myself. Trying to prove to others I am worth staying. Trying to prove I have the strength to carry on. That I am fully capable of being independent and needing no ones help until… until I finally was telling the Lord I just can’t anymore. I am tired of keeping up with the demands of this world, trying hard to be there for friends who do not want me there, trying endlessly to prove to my other family they have believed lies and we did no wrong, that we tried to have our mother around, only to see that you can’t change anyone’s already made up mind. Only the Lord can change their minds and hearts.

The past 2 years were mentally hard for us all as a family as we navigated losses. But if I am being honest, I did see and feel the strength of the Lord uphold me every time a storm occurred. Showing me that it is not me.. I have zero strength without Him. But with Him, I am fully capable of getting through it. That He is the only friend I need because He comforted me in the hardest of hard times. He didn’t judge me when I told Him I loved him so much yet I was upset with Him for allowing this. I mean even Job didn’t like his suffering. Who does? There is no wrong or sin in admitting you don’t like what you are facing but always come back to Gods character. The Lord didn’t walk away when I told Him I just can’t pray because I cry instead. He didn’t shut me out or hush me when I poured my heart out. He knew very well what needed to be laid out on His feet.

And oh how freeing it is when you release it all to Him.

So for those 2 years that we still have not shared much of, though our boys story is on CBN/700 Club, still, there were after effects and shocks that occurred.

I wept seeing my boys undergo surgery countless of times to save their lives.

I wept seeing both my husband break and myself break.

I wept seeing my family torn apart and spread apart.

I wept to Jesus, pleading Him to help in those years.

Look at Job, he lamented, cried, mourned, he heard his friends not so great wisdom as they spoke of their flesh not of the Spirit. Job, one who suffered much but gained much. We lost so much. Yet we gained so much of the Lord it’s inevitable. His presence was magnified. His presence was glorified. His presence was known where we stepped.

God is our restorer and restores every stolen piece, heals every heartache and mends every sorrow. He has shown me, though it’s only March about to be April in a few days, I see what He means by repaying what the enemy has stolen.

When the enemy steals from a follower of Christ, from an anointed one, stealing what does not belong to him, he has to repay. And the Lord showed me in this way that it isn’t just for me but for my family. For HIS family. The body of Christ. It’s all to glorify his name never to boast but to show, that even though the Lord does allow storms, trials, testings to come to us, they are never out of reach of his hand. Everything, and I mean everything, even the very things happening in the world right now, always need His yes. They cannot happen without His yes.

He allowed satan to steal, rob, destroy everything of Job’s BUT he could not lay a hand on him. But God restored all what was stolen from Job a double fold. The same occurs with us. It’s a testing of our relationship with our Lord. Will we still trust Him or will we curse Him? Will we cry and lean onto Him or will we lean onto our own understanding? Will we pursue the Lord or will we pursue our own hearts, desires, and passions of the world?

People would tell me, “you can’t tell that to the Lord. Just trust Him.” But funny thing is, when you are sooooo close to someone, you are honest. You are truthful. You don’t hide anything because you know you can trust them and they will not judge you harm you or hurt you but help to correct you. Vulnerability. And that is what I did. I shared to the Lord all that was on my heart and I was honest. I did not curse Him or have disbelief, but I was honest of my pain, sorrow, hurt, grief. And want to know what the Lord kept telling me? “There is more. tell me more. tell me it all.”

He is so graceful. He is so wonderful. He is so patient in our sufferings. He gets no delight in our sufferings, but He does get great delight when we come and run to Him like a little child running to their father when they fall off the bike and get hurt.

He tends to our heart. He mends our wounds. He becomes the friend that is very needed.

I recently heard the Lord say to me a few weeks ago, “this is my promise, hold on to it.” The promise that He will restore all that was stolen. That even though I do not have the full picture I can trust Him anyway because He has proven to me His faithfulness time after time after time again.

And that is for you too friend.

This writing is not just for me to share my heart, but to tell you too that when God gives a promise, He indeed will bring it through. That though you are facing battle grounds, the strength of the Lord can be upon you, just submit to Him. Even in the storms of life, there always is a rainbow that shines through, and what I mean is, the Lords shield and light always comes through. His presence will be evident and your joy will exceed.

These are the greater things to measure. The greater treasures and blessings. Not the material wealth that the world and prosperity gospel speaks but the one of true joy, peace, strength, greater faith, more authority, the Kingdom of God reining through your life today and forevermore.

God can use your pain to heal another person.

God can use your brokenness to mend another.

God can use your story to encourage another to carry on through.

God can use your tears to bring the fruit of compassion onto another.

God can and will use you… if you let him.

Though 2022 and 2023 were downright tough hard and challenging for us, we knew the Lords presence was with us. We knew He carried us through because we were taken care of every step of the way. And now, even though I do not know what 2024 holds, I do know for certain that He is here. He is very much present and alive and holds on to His Word.

I can’t tell you how God will restore what was stolen, but I can tell you I can see more joy in my family than I did ever in our lifetime together. I can tell you that I have seen attitudes change of thankfulness. I have seen more compassion grow in our family than we ever have and I have seen more boldness being used all for the kingdom of God.

I can’t tell you what yours will look like, but I can tell you that God is who He says He is. I can tell you what He says will happen, will indeed happen. He is not a liar. He is all truth. And what He promises to you, will come. You just have to fight it though with faith and belief in our Lord trusting that it will come to fulfillment.

He is a wonderful God of redemption and restores all what was broken, lost and stolen.

God.. our wonderful restorer. Nobody else can compare to the God we serve. And what an honor and joy it is to walk such walks knowing we have someone greater than the one in the world walking beside us, who has our backs for all eternity.