The Fear & The Faith of a Call to Homeschool
Faith. You would think after all we have walked with our twins and even before that, I would have the faith to jump into the Lord’s calling for this season. Sadly to say, it wasn’t so.
As I write this piece, a share of my heart, I want you to know how honest and vulnerable this piece is to me. Never to condemn nor shame anyone, never to bring glory to my name, “oh Lord may it never be pointed to me but all to you,” but to show you the Lord’s works in my heart.
I can honestly tell you that as I sit here, having a cup of honey mint peach tea, with this book I came across feeling the deep nudge to read it in my hand, seeing my husband watch Monday night football, my head spins and pounds in fear.
As a little girl I was never afraid. I was known as the one who made decisions with no fear in sight. I never let fear stop me from doing something. But, quite a bit of years later… with life’s challenges in between, fear swept in trying to paralyze me from the Lords calling. And it happens. When life suddenly takes a turn and the door of regret slams you in the face, the wrong choices you have made walking without the Lord, it can leave you in fear.
Three years ago I felt a nudge to know more about homeschooling. A seed the Lord planted deep within my heart. Did I feel called to go through with it right away? Not yet. I just felt a nudge to know more of it.
Then COVID hit and the forced homeschool came. No coincidence there.
But I enjoyed it. I really did. Having my family in my home all together learning together and researching together. In fact, it re-lit the little girl in me. In that short time of course. Because then covid and homeschool at home was lifted and everything was going back to “normal.” Though we know normal never came and never will.
As the Lord continued to press it heavily upon my heart, a couple of more years passed. I knew last year was a year to homeschool, yet I was feeling reluctant. Hesitant. Afraid. Just as I am now typing this to you. I procrastinated trying to rub it off as if it would suddenly go away and I would not have to think of it again.
Oh how the Lord must have giggled with a smile and gently said, “oh daughter, only if you knew.”
And here I am… researching what is needed for my state to begin the transition from public school to homeschool.
I didn’t realize I had a fear of homeschool. Who would have known? To some it may sound silly, but to some, you get it! Until the Lord compelled me to homeschool he began to show me the root of my fear. A fear of failing. I wonder if this is how all homeschool moms feel, whether they’ve done it for years or are new much like me? Maybe so. And it wasn’t a bad fear, but a fear of wanting to be sure my children get the proper education they need. But more than that, taught with biblical truth and the real honest truth of things.
One day my daughter came home and began to mention “history” things they were learning that day such as the Macy’s parade and pride flag etc.
She also cried to tell me how she has not had recess for quite some time so she could receive tutoring in that time. Please hear me out, I do understand when students struggle and need extra help, but to have morning tutorials, recess removed for more tutorials and now afternoon tutorials… the Lord spoke clearly to me and revealed HIS heart to me for her.
Not only her but my oldest, who is in 9th grade, in whom He highlighted for homeschool, asked if she could be homeschooled for the past 3 years (and even asked again this year multiple times). She has hit a rough place and spot in her life. Not with education but with friends and peers. A place of feeling like an “outcast” when she desperately wanted to be in the “good crowd” yet, they didn’t accept her but rather she felt the sting of rejection. And by the way, nobody really knew all of this.
We’ve seen a lot go into our children that hasn’t been pleasant or pretty. All that they have walked and even the stress put onto them that at times, when they come home, they want to shut everyone out. But seeing my oldest come home crying and having mental breakdowns, how it has affected her mental health, it was then the LORD really spoke loudly to me showing me more of HIS heart for her and what she needs. Showing me what is truly going on inside her heart, and I knew.. i just knew… It is time.
And as a “reassurance,” I even asked the Lord again about my children, “LORD tell me, what do I do to help them.” And you want to know what He told me?
He said this in the most stern but gentle way, “Daughter, I have already told you what to do and what they need. It’s time to act. Where is your faith?”
But that fear. Oh how it can leave us to feel as if we can’t do it. And that is quite true. We can’t do it on our own. We need Christ.
I read it in a book recently, the one I found on the shelf in an odd place and it being the last one, yeah no coincidence there either, “fear will propel you to fight or flight,” Homeschool Bravely by Jamie Erickson.
See, fear can either drive us to fight and go through with it in obedience to the Lord, OR, it can leave us to take flight, taking off in disobedience and never looking back at it again, knowing deep inside the Lord is calling us to it.
It can feel scary walking into the unknown. Into a very unknown path and territory. It can feel scary walking the land we are not familiar with. But it can feel reassuring and promising knowing there is one who holds our hand through it all.
Jesus.
The truth is, I cannot homeschool without God.
I cannot wake up another day without God.
I cannot even breathe without God giving me breath.
So why would I allow fear to grip me on this journey when all my years before He has been ever so faithful to help me through the other life’s challenges.
I just can’t. Fear can’t win. God wins.
The one who calls us to it, He will surely bring us through it.
The one who calls us to it, He will surely see us through it.
The one who calls us to it, He has surely equipped us for it.
He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6
He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23
For he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
He knows my heart, but moreso, he knows my children’s hearts. He loves them more than I. He wants the best for them more than I do. He knows what they need and how it’s needed. After all, He created them, Psalm 139.
I may not know the full plans ahead. I may not even know the next step ahead. But my heart can rejoice and sing in joy, knowing He will lead me, guide me, direct me, and provide for me in this time.
He has called me to homeschool, not because of anything that I can do, but because of what HE can do in us all, in homeschooling.
“If God has led you to homeschool then you are compelled to walk in faith, not fear. Faith recognizes God is bigger than any challenge life sends, including homeschooling,” Cindy Rollins.
He already has provided steps and made the way. He’s already spoken of what subjects are needed for my family. He has already placed it upon my children’s hearts to want to do this, they are the ones who asked before I mentioned a word of homeschool, and my husband who wasn’t onboard years before is now wholeheartedly on board. The Lord even placed two people on my path to give their time to help educate my children on the subjects I am not great at. Our loving Jehovah-Jireh has already been providing. And He will continue to do so in our walk of obedience.
All God needed was my yes. And He will supply the rest. “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19.
God works miracles. In the most beautiful ways to be.
He knows what our children need and who they need.
And what a beautiful promise, a wonderful Father we have to be there for us in the land of the unknown. The one who waits for us, holding our hand saying, “daughter, i know you are afraid, but don’t be, bring it to me. Take heart, be of courage, for I am here and will guide you every step of the way. Allow me to provide for you and show you what your children need, and you, in this season. Take my hand, will you trust me?”
What a father we have. What a wonderful, good, caring, agape love of a Father we have to call upon at any given time, who listens to our cries.
Saying yes to God is the best yes you will say (besides our I do at the altar that’s another good yes). Will he reveal to your heart what is inside? Absolutely! He showed me why I feared so much. The fear of failing when really, it’s all Him who led me here. And the fear of what others may think. Because quite frankly, I have family and friends who oppose homeschool and have talked me out of it so many times. BUT… but I have friends and other family members who are for it too, cheering us, rooting us on, praying for us, and wanting to see our children thrive and succeed in the most God giving way.
And that… that my friend, is a true blessing and something to rejoice in, knowing God gives us whom we need for encouragement and cheering on the road less traveled. And with that, I say to myself, “Have the fear of my LORD, not man, for what can mere mortals do to me? My God is on my side, and that is the best weapon and comfort to have.”
Faith. It isn’t for the hard places or the “big” places but also for everyday life, including our homeschool journey. I needed to be reminded of my faith I had during our NICU stay and even prior to that. Believing the promise God gave me. I needed to be reminded that faith without works is dead, James 2.
Faith. It is saying YES to God and going through with what He spoke just as Abraham had to with his son Isaac.
If you want to keep up to date on our homeschooling journey (4 children for now ages from kinder to high school, the twins are in the works), be sure to check the website every Friday for homeschooling updates, tips, ups and down, lessons learned, what we are doing, etc. We may be nervous but we are excited to begin this journey with the Lord.
And can I encourage you in your place of the unknown? The land you are about to walk on that is unfamiliar? It may not even be homeschooling. But a journey of the unknown and a land of unfamiliar…. Say Yes to the Lord, follow and trust Him anyway. He has never failed before, and He never will. He is True and Faithful to who He says He is. It may seem scary, I get that. Anything out of our comfort zone, something we never even thought of doing on our own, can feel that way. But what God calls us to can either drive you to fight through (with the Lord on your side of course), or have you to fly, fleeing far away in disobedience from what God is calling you to do.
The way I see it and what He has shown me… what God calls you to and where the enemy attacks is where you are meant to go. The enemy will do all he can to stop you from going through with what God calls you to do. Because he is afraid. That is the enemy. Afraid that you will find out more of who you are and become MORE like Christ and less like ourselves.
Friend, are you afraid? Do it afraid, with God.
Are you nervous? Do it, with God.
Feeling unsure? Trust God anyway.
He will surely lead you through it in whatever He is telling you to say yes in. May we continue to be women who say Yes Lord, send me and use me, all for you. Grow in me to be the woman who walks in your ways everyday.