Motherhood in the Teen Years

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-6 NKJV

In the book of James he is writing to encourage us to look at our trials and tribulations in a different way.  We are called to be set apart and to live a life in this very way. 

            I scroll across Facebook, and I come across a younger mom’s news feed: she is in the midst of her eldest children entering the pre-teen years.  She is hitting the wall of realization that her babies are not babies any more.  Her children are physically changing and are no longer as dependent or they don’t necessarily want their mom’s company as much as they used to. Yes, she wants her children to grow up and be successful and to know the Lord, their God in their own way. Her question is, what do I do to make this easier or do I just have to become stronger? Accept it? Or Deal with it? She is not alone.  I see this far too often. 

I remember just a few short years ago going through this same thought process when my eldest, who is now 18, entered these very different and very uncertain times.  How could I be so lost in this idea when I had stumbled through my own teenage years and promised myself that I would do it better. I laugh at this idea because I am nothing like my teenage self today.  Thank you, Jesus, for your pursuit of me to cleanse me and make me new. Because I needed this understanding to help guide our lives today. 

Please keep in mind we also have a thirteen-year-old daughter. We are definitely going through it. 

            Those words from James remind me daily to- COUNT IT ALL JOY.  So, do I count it all joy when my teen son is perusing websites he knows are prohibited? Should I count it all joy when my daughter is screaming at the top of her lungs at me because she feels unappreciated for the help she does around the house.  Do I count it all joy when they are fighting with each other? Should I count it all joy when I have to keep reminding my two teenage children about their participation as a family unit in this home? Yes! But how?

For those that don’t know me let me let you in on a bit about our family history: I gave my entire life to Jesus in January of 2020 it wasn’t until March 2020 that the first real test of faith came in. That was probably about the same time my husband finally decided to give his whole life to the Lord as well.  That is a whole other story that I hope to one day share with you all.

As you can see it is not that long ago therefore our children experienced totally different parents who were trying to raise them in the midst of our eldest’s teen years.  A lot was allowed by the world’s standards.  I look back and I can’t believe what we allowed in our home.  So how did we get to this place of counting it all joy? Well, it was not joy in the beginning.  I cried a lot.  I had so much fear that I ruined my children.  I was so worried that they were too far gone to be changed.  But God… He reminded me that at this time I was 37 and I am now with Him.  So not all lost, not all gone.  Thank you, Jesus.  God walked me through a time of healing, praying, and letting my children go and trust Him with them.  Now to walk it out. 

Those questions I asked in the last paragraph were my very own.  For context we pulled our eldest child out of public school because of the exposure to adult websites and the secrets he was told to keep by adults that oversaw his safety while on school grounds. The rest of the questions tend to be common among children changing into teens with all the newness of hormones and ideas and just change.  Prayer, Grace, Consistency -in that order is how we moved. 

We prayed every time we found our son looking at certain things on the internet, we gave him grace in speech and in punishment.  It was never our idea to spank our children so that has always been left for the extreme last resort. 

Coming into Christ, He taught us what the rod and staff that a shepherd wields means. So, think of that very idea of the sheep just doing their own thing and here is the shepherd having to redirect their flock.  We followed that idea at home, we prayed every time my daughter caught an attitude, every time they fought, every time. Then we spoke life into them with grace in our speech. We read a scripture straight from the Bible that spoke to their identity and had them write it down.  The next time it happened then we did it again. 

We gave them a few chances to get it right then to correct it on their own and if they defied the rules blatantly after training then they were punished with restrictions. But it took time.  They came from parents that were ok with what the world was teaching them to parents who did a whole 180 degree turn and walked the opposite way with Jesus.  Today we don’t even flinch when issues arise. We know that in this trial or tribulation the Lord is strengthening us, making us perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

So, I simply remind my friends to enjoy the emotions, the experiences, the new territory with them, helping them navigate this time because it is their first time and our first time in these new roles. So much grace and love is developed in the pre-teen and teen years.  When it gets hard let them see you pray and pray together through these times. The teen years are one of my favorite years so far.

It is beautiful to see your children growing into who they are called to be and when it gets rough they look to us for comfort and guidance – the very thing we miss about them when they were babies, toddlers, and children, but it is different.

Meet the Author

Selena grew up in the church with two loving parents who trusted in God, loved, and knew Him well as their Savior. It took Selena 37 years to give her life up and surrender it all to Him to be both her Lord & Savior.  When Selena took the step after He found her, her life has never been the same.  “It has been a whirlwind of learning to seek, listen, and obey. “