Grieving Friendship Loss
Its Thursday, and it has been one long week here. Im thankful for slow days. But I am also ready for gathering days, anyone else?
The other day I was listening to a podcast that really spoke dear to my heart. Knowing I struggled with friendship loss that really sunk deep into the pit of my heart. I allowed it to define who I was. I let myself to think I wasn’t good enough to no longer be their friend, or I was too honest, too sweet, too loving, too genuine, too caring, too outspoken, too outgoing….
I will be honest…. losing friendships hurt. But it doesn’t have to stay there. WE don’t have to stay stuck in that hurt. WE must move on and move forward.
Friendships as an adult is a lot harder to make than when you are kids. I see how my kids are and they quickly approach others, making friends everywhere we go. Immediately they become friends not caring how they look, what they wear, what house they live in, etc. They see the hearts and the needs for each other. They are more loyal than adults, sorry but its truth.
As an adult, we watch. We see. We look around. Its like we go into a store shopping for something but in this case, shopping for friends.
UMMMM OUCH!!!!
They say close friendships only last up until 7 years, and if they do you are pretty lucky at that. If you go longer, you are really blessed and will go on further.
I’m not sure what to think about that nor even say about it but I will say this, it is a bit hard getting through the loss of friendships. Especially those you’ve walked all seasons with, shared secrets with, probably fought or disagreed (much like sisters), and seen so much in and through. It’s hard and difficult to let go. You just hang on wishing and wanting to continue but God says no more.
Friendships require communication, trust and truth.
We want the friends who are honest in a loving way. If we ask “how are you?” and we just hear “good, great, wonderful” (you know those who always give short answers) but inside they truly are dying inside…. we need honesty, we need REAL. We need to be open because if we aren’t how can we truly be there for them? How can we pray for them?
For several years I had this “click”, the friends I thought were going to be my best friends for ages to come. You know those days when you all were inseparable and would go and do it all…..But then it stopped. It never stuck. The “click” faded within a heartbeat.
It was painful, it was hard. It was something I didn’t want to let go. But what I have read and heard, you can’t hang onto something who isn’t willing to put effort into either.
Ya’ll I was drained pouring myself into people that would shut me out. I would feel I was the only one reaching out and never getting anything back. I was not having it anymore. I would get more hurt in the end. I tried hard to fight to keep the friendship going strong.
One day I cried to the Lord asking why I was not able to have my friends anymore.
what is wrong with me?
where did it all go wrong?
am I not good enough?
am I saying or doing something wrong?
Until the day he said “I AM THE FRIEND THAT YOU NEED.”
This punched me in the gut!
I needed Him to be my friend first and allow myself to let go of the loss, let go of the pain, and learn to trust in Him and rely solely on Him.
He is the friend we need. The one who never turns his back on us, who never says negative things to us but always TRUTH. He is the one who sees our flaws, wipes our tears, speaks with LOVE. He is the one who knows everything about us, yet still STAYS. NEVER WALKS AWAY.
I didn’t realize I needed Him as a friend. I didn’t realize He was the one I needed first and foremost as a friend. I needed HIM to fill my cup so I can fill others. I didn’t even know that you can grieve, cry, feel hurt and sad when the closest dearest friends for 7 plus years are no longer there. But you do. And its okay to grieve for the loss of friendships. But don’t stay stuck. Get back up and continue to move forward.
Life goes on.
And Jesus, He is right there with us!
I can’t help but think how Jesus felt when he was betrayed by Judas. How one of the disciples was to betray the King. But this shows how imperfect us humans are and how grace needs to be given. We have lives. Some are moms. Some are students. Some are both. Some are trying to get through divorce. Some are lonely and needing healing. Theres so much more that goes on in their hearts and homes, we must be patient and prayerful for them.
When God brings us to this place where we are needing to be right now, HE will bring those friends to your life. They will speak truth in LOVE and will pray with you and for you. Who will grieve with you and be joyful with you. Who will sit with you with no words and who will give you kind sweet as honey type of words. You will find those friends you can call anytime and they are there for you who listen and be present rather than looking down on a screen and not fully being present! And you will be that friend to someone too!! How wonderful that would be to be that friend to someone who needs us.
You need that friend. We need that friend.
And when you find that friend, or those friends, you will know. And when you do, continue to pour into them and fight for them. They are worth it. Check in on them. Have coffee dates. Virtual dates. Play dates. And stay strong my dear friend.
Trust God, and allow Him to bring those who need you, and you needing them.
He will bring them.
And know this, its okay if you grieve over a loss of a friendship that meant so much to your heart. But friend, don’t stay stuck. Push through and trust that Jesus has a wonderful plan. Continue to let him fill your cup up friend, so you can pour it out to your friends when in need.
To listen more about FIGHTING for your FRIENDSHIPS, click the image below. It will take you to The Messy Table Podcast where you can hear Holly Furtick talk about friendship loss and friendship gain.
Love you sweet friend,
Nicole.
The Messy Table Podcast – Holly Furtick Episode on Fighting for your Friendships!
