What I Wish I Knew As A Single Mom

I was once labeled as “that single mom”. A label that caused so much pain in my journey yet beauty was born from it.

It was a hard-tough walk. I felt lost and alone. The thought of what others thought of me sunk deep inside, it seemed everyones thought was the same and I was so sure it wouldn’t change.

I wasn’t proud of being a young single mom. The term “single mom” somehow seemed to have labeled me and placed me in a category of “recycling” or a category of “useless.”

Being placed in that category hurt me deeply, more than I can express or even type. But as I made a big move, that I only had hoped would make our lives better, it indeed did.

If I could tell my younger single mom self, the things I wish I knew, it would sound something similar to this:

It’s going to be hard, Nicole. It will not be easy. It’ll stretch you, it’ll shape you, it’ll even challenge you on the worst of worst times. You will encounter struggles and trials along the way. You will move more times than your hands can count. You will hear hurtful words and see reactions on their faces from those who felt cared deeply for you. You will fall and find yourself in this lonely dark place. A place that nobody will understand, only the single moms who were left abandoned, stripped of everything. This pit will have dark voices telling you to give up on life, to give up on your daughter because nobody sees you. When she gets sick, you will have to leave work countless of times to tend to her fully. Jobs will fire you because you have to take care of her and there will be a time you will fall behind on rent because of the job loss. You will hear many opinions that stay hidden inside of you only to wreck you, making you feel guilty, ashamed, and wanting to run away from everyone and everything in life. People you loved, and the ones you thought loved you, will leave you. Some will point fingers. And some will take advantage of you. But let’s keep going… there will be a sun that will shine in this dark cloudy space you are in. You find yourself in a new city, a moved into your own new place. This new city will be the very place you will find the true love you’ve been longing for, seeking for, desiring for. This will be the very city that changes your life and transforms it for the better. The ones who hurt you, spoke terrible words over you, wished bad on you, scared you, threatened you, they will only be words meant nothing because this love you found, will be louder and more meaningful to you than any other voice you heard.

Your mind of being independent, the mentality of doing it all on your own, making it, striving for it, working for it, will be stripped off because this is the world’s mentality. A new mentality will be put on.

Light will burst into the darkest places in your life to shine it away, and the label of being the single mom will no longer be carried in shame, but it will be embraced knowing that someone loves you, sees you and your daughter.

The struggles you once had before with no peace will fall, and the new struggles you encounter will only be walked through with peace. A peace that you never knew.

The heartache you once carried will be restored, renewed and molded by the love you found.

The anger you held because of what’s been done, the resentment of seeing them get away with it all, the wishing they’d only feel what you went through, the bitterness you carried from the hurt of loved ones you loved deeply, it will fade and fall because of the love that you found is greater in you than the things you once knew.

The Unforgiveness you carried for so long will no longer be there. You will try and search it because that was all you knew, but it will be gone. Feeling as if you never had it, and instead, you will find yourself on your knees, praying, pleading for them to be new, restored, and finding the love you have found.

The label “single mom” will no longer be in your identity nor will it be your name. A new name will be placed, a new covenant, a marriage, and a family will begin to happen.

You won’t see it now because you have the eyes of the world and the mind of the world, but trust me when I say this, something, someone good, will come. And He has a name. A name that you only heard of, never knew about. A name you heard about when you were little but never understood. A name that you began to seek, search, long for daily, that has grown love inside of you. A love you knew not of. A love that exceeds the pit, the darkness, the bitter, anger, hurt, brokenness you were once in. This love has a name, and His name is Jesus. This name will forever change you, you just need to accept His invitation and allow Him to love you to the fullest.

To the Single Mom’s,

I know you long for a steady place. A family that somehow will make you feel complete. A love that won’t break or hurt you. That not only will love you, but your child(ren) too. I see the long sick nights you have alone, the hard work of trying to keep hold of your job yet trying to be present with your child(ren). I see the tears you shed and the last bit of hope you carry. I see you starring at families wishing you could have that too, or the finger you look down at to see no ring there. I feel the pain you feel of emptiness and loneliness. And I see the label of “single mom” status that makes you cringe your toes and tighten your jaw. Don’t allow it. Take a breath and trust God in this journey, placing your hope in Him. Pray that your future spouse will love you as He loves Christ, that He will love your child as His own, Pray for your future life to grow closer to the Lord and be free from anger, resentment, bitterness, Unforgiveness, for your child(rens) future. Seek God in all that you do, He will surely show up. The waiting is never easy. It always is hard to wait patiently for a family we want, a spouse we soon hope to have, a home we desire to have. The Lord knows it all sis. But if I can just share something small with you, it would be this: breathe and seek God. Practice patience by placing your trust in Him and placing your desires and future in His hands, knowing He can provide all that and more, if He just has your full heart. He will give you the desires of your heart, but first, He wants to capture your heart. Grab a hold of Him everyday and know that He is very much for you, not against you. He longs and awaits to hear from you, His beautiful precious daughter that He sees.

What I Wish I Knew As A Single Mom:

• There is many opinions but the only voice, only opinion, that should matter is Gods.
• Single Mothering is Hard, Challenging, And Tiring.
• No spouse, no shopping, no thing will be able to fill the needs, fill the void, or fill the satisfaction that only God can fill.
• No amount of hurt, bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment, anger, is worth holding onto. There is so much more to life and freedom when broken away from it.
• There is no condemnation in being a single mom when circumstances are out of your control.
• Get involved into a community of women who seek after God
• It is okay to feel not okay on some days, but don’t stay there
• It is okay to hire a babysitter for an hour or two and get groceries, take a walk, or grab some ice cream to take a breather
• It is okay to seek help where help is needed.
• You are not alone.
• Continue to seek and pursue after God’s heart
• Place God first in your home, and on the throne of your heart, it will reap the harvest to your child(ren).
• Pray for the words that wounded you to be replaced with truth.
• Pray over your hurt and your Childs hurt.
• Pray for strength in the days you feel you can no longer continue the next minute.
• Pray over your home daily (Psalm 91)
• Pray for your future spouse and marriage to centered around Jesus
• Pray to have the eyes to see God on the days that seem its harder to see Him.
• You don’t need to keep apologizing for what has happened.
• Own your identity in Christ
• Always remember whose you are and who you are, these are the core values and foundation
• Get your children involved in youth, it helps them in the long run with any hurt(s) that stay lingering. And it helps you too mama, to know you have others wanting to teach them who God is.
• And know, it is okay to not have to explain your situation to everyone who asks, only if the Holy Spirit prompts you too.

My Prayer For You As A Single Mom:

Heavenly Father, I pray over this mama today and ask that you cover her Lord with your love and grace. Your love is big, wide, deep and extends far enough to cover the multitude of sins. I pray that she feels your love right where she is at and move within her heart. I pray you reveal to her only what she needs within that moment and continue to remind her of her identity in Christ. Anytime the world tries to label or define her, I pray your voice beats the worlds voice. Give her the strength she needs on the days she feels the weakest, and on the days she has the strength, fill her up all the more with your joy and peace. May she never allow guilt or condemnation into her mind or heart but instead may she be quick to forgive Lord. Show up mighty in her life and use her Lord. No one is beyond your reach to be loved, accepted and made new. Give her good plans for her life and her child(ren). Use her Lord for the kingdom and may it impact her life in the most positive influential way. Teach her to place you at the center of her home and on the throne of her heart. And as she does this, may her child(ren) see her, implement it and rise up and call her blessed. I pray her hurt is mended along with her child(ren) and may they be used to glorify your Kingdom. I ask that you send her a community of women, mothers, who understand her view, troubles, heartache, and encourage her with her walk with Christ along with shining Jesus light each time. I pray you bring her close friends that will be willing to come and help around the house if needed, watch her kids at no charge every now and then to help her catch a breath, provide for her Lord as you are Jehovah-Jireh! Our Great Provider. I thank you for providing and aligning every detail in her life Lord and thank you that she is fearfully and wonderfully made by you. Mend the broken pieces, redeem and restore to them what you will Lord. I ask all these things in Jesus Name, amen.