Through the Terrains with Jesus | 019
It had been a hard rough few days trying to process a few things happening around us. Trying to attend to everyone surrounding me, only to find myself slipping away more and more.
Inside I felt tired, I felt heavy, I felt weighted. The diagnosis hit me in a way that I didn’t see coming.
My mind would be on repeat and say “Lord help me, I have no words.”
I wouldn’t have any words to truly say anything. Just those simple words of Him being near to me and coming close to me is all what mattered to me. I didn’t care what was going on around me, I cared about seeking His presence and me sitting in it, soaking it all in, and just sitting in the arms of Jesus’ comfort and peace.
As I sat there I wondered how many of us truly seek Him in these times when diagnosis come thrown at us. Do we run the opposite direction or do we seek Him despite what we face and are told?
I kept my faith, I kept my reassurance of what God spoke a year prior to this happening. I kept repeating “God I know you are here for me, I know you never leave, I know what you had said you will do WILL in deed be done because that is who you are. You never change, you never lie, even when our circumstances change, even when days change, you never do. I trust your Word what you spoke to me will in deed come to pass and I will see it come to bear fruit. I trust you. Not this diagnosis, not others, only you.”
My feelings wanted to cave in and give in. My feelings wanted to do otherwise, but my Spirit stayed strengthened, fighting for me in the battle of feelings. But can I be honest? With each feeling I felt, I would tell my God my feeling. Even if it were doubt trying to come in, even if it were fear trying to creep in, even if it were sadness of facing this swept through, I still would tell me Father the honest truth and than repeat yet again, “God you are higher than my feelings, higher than what I am facing, bigger than these small giants that seem bigger than you… I know who I serve and I know what you have done and will do.”
Feelings aren’t bad to have friend. God gave us feelings. But it’s when feelings begin to try and take over the situation and circumstance to shape our view of God, that is when we need to release them to Him and be reminded of His faithfulness. We mustn’t allow feelings to dictate truth of what God spoke but rather, we must remind our feelings who God is and whom we serve.
Though the past few days receiving theses news, needing to travel to see the surgeon, make plans for our other kids, and step into the next unknown…. I knew deep within my heart that God was and is already there. He wouldn’t lead me to leave me. Instead, he leads to show us something we do not see yet, and that is where faith must stand. It must be rooted deep within my heart that my faith is in Him, nothing else.