A Shattered Heart

A not so normal day. I wish I could say it didn’t hurt, but it did. I wish I can say I got over it that moment, but I didn’t. I wish I can tell you the pain was healed in that moment, but it wasn’t so.

Betrayal, rejection, disappointment, it was all so much…

Have you walked a season where the pain you felt was just brushed off and ignored only to find it appear months, even years, later?

Have you found yourself disappointed in life because nothing has gone “right” for you?

Maybe you felt you couldn’t love or trust again because of the betrayal and hurt that was done before.

Have you found yourself isolated, not wanting to make friends because the friends you once had hurt you in more ways that you can count?

Maybe that positive test you have been waiting for never came about…. and your dream feels crushed.

Oh my dear friend, I wish I can be sitting down with you with a hot cup of tea or even a nice delicious hot cup of peppermint hot cocoa (because its so cold here tonight) and hug you, telling you that I know things don’t seem okay right now and I won’t try to buttercup you up, instead I will be the friend crying with you.

One day out of the blue I was cut off like a river bank suddenly cuts off and begins to turn into a waterfall.

It was painful. Everything seemed fine, in my eyes, from my view, but somehow, someway, it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. And the thought of me feeling I wasn’t enough not for one person, but for another, and then another, it ended up making my thoughts toxic and sink into this pit that only God could take me out of.

The pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the rejection, I know friend. I know it hurts. It pierces our hearts in ways that somehow shut us down. I get it. But know this my dear friend,

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Cliché? I think not. This verse is spoken a lot, but do we really understand it?

He is our healer. He heals. Not only physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He feels our hurts, our broken hearts. He also binds up our wounds, meaning he holds them together, keeps us together with Him.

This is a promise, not something He just says. He is always true to His Word, and He is faithful enough to keep His Word.

I understand the hurt you can’t seem to let go of. I understand the pain that never leaves. I understand the betrayal that somehow caused a deep pain in your heart. I see your hurt when you just want friends to trust and love you again. I feel the trust issue you have wanting to love another person but you can’t seem to let it happen again. I feel your pain sister. Not only I, but Jesus felt every betrayal, every rejection, every hurt and pain in both physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. He always sought the Lord, his Father. David, He knew pain. He knew suffering. He knew betrayal.

I also want to share this…

Even in the pain, in the hurt, HE IS THERE. He never leaves us, He never abandons us. He is nearer to us waiting for us to run to him with open arms.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, there is hope. HE IS OUR HOPE.

It is in our brokenness that we begin to seek the most.

What are you seeking today friend?

Are you seeking His face?
His presence?
His Peace?
His comfort?
Are you opening up His very Word that is alive and active, that breathes fresh breath upon our lives and in our lungs?

Losing a friend, not really knowing why she cut me off, hurt me deeply. I hurt for me but I hurt for her. I began to see months later what I needed to pray for her in. I began to see the reasons why God took my out of that friendship, it wasn’t light, it wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t truth. It was a masked friendship that I never saw. Yes it was painful, yes it was much heartache, yes it was cold turkey cut off, and I didn’t understand it then, but I see it now. And I am forever thankful for His provision, his promise, his healing in that area. (Read Psalm 55 for a prayer for loss friendship).

Having an unfaithful partner wasn’t what I imagined or planned. It was hurtful, painful, too heart breaking. I couldn’t trust again. I couldn’t love again. I wanted to, I so deeply wanted to. But I was afraid it would be done yet again. This wall that somehow appeared and stopped me from loving again. Would this person who loves me without a question, would he do the same to me? Would he up and leave me for another? Would he sneak around behind my back? Would he make me do things that I knew in my heart wasn’t godly? I cant. I won’t. Never. But God. He withdrew me from that pit and I began seeing the light in love. I began loving again, and it was the most extraordinary thing that happened to me. I first had to learn to let God love me, even though I knew He did, I knew it in my mind, but couldn’t accept it in my heart, once I began accepting His love for me and believing it, I began feeling the need to love once again. I needed My Papa’s love first. I needed Him to redeem me from that area and bring it to light so that I can love my husband the way a woman who loves God dearly, loves her spouse to. (Read John 3:16-17 for His love for us, for you).

Friend, I know the feeling of rejection from a parent. One whom you so desperately want to be loved by but isn’t showing. I so feel that pain, that hurt, that anger that wants to rise, I feel that heart shattered into a million pieces. But can I be honest with you? Even though right now, mine isn’t where I want it to be, I can trust and know my Lord and Savior will redeem that too! He is a redeeming God. Although I wish I can tell you that area is perfect and better, it isn’t and its painful, and some days its more painful. But the day God told me I can call Him Papa, is the very day he showed me I needed him MORE than my parent right now and that He can be both my mother and father. He can love me in the parts I feel unloved. He can show me great and immeasurable things, hidden treasures, just keep my eyes focused on Him and trust in Him. I can come to Him with anything and everything. No matter what it may be, even if I sense a rise in anger because the hurt is there, I can come to Him first knowing He can take it away and give me the comfort, peace, and assurance I need. (Read Psalm 103 for more on Him being our Father to us).

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4

So friend, I hope you are not done with your hot tea or hot cocoa yet, because I want to ask you these questions first.

Where are you hurting?
How is your heart?
Can you face your pain or do you ignore it?
When you feel the pain, the hurt, where do you seek? In food, in tv, in friends, in shopping, etc.
Do you trust Jesus with your hurt, your pain, your broken heart and those shattered pieces?
Where do you want light to shine in?

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not into your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Reach out to a trust friend who knows the Lord and can pray for you. Open up friend, and know that you have someone who is mourning with you, who is there for you and with you. But most importantly friend, remember God is with you who never leaves you, never forsakes you, and loves you so much his arms are wide open ready to embrace this moment with his beautiful daughter in whom he delights in. Reach out to Him before anyone. If anything, He knows it all. He is all-knowing.

Love you sweet friend.
Until next time,
Nicole